After 3 years of back and forth dealing with the FAA giving them documents and fighting to show I'm medically safe to fly. Basically I got a Wet and Reckless nearly 14 years ago with a BAC of .12 and that's caused me to go through the deferrment process. I'm young mid 30s, with a clean bill of health otherwise, So far after spending $5000 hiring a law firm to help me get my 3rd class Medical certificate, paying for all sorts of tests, psychiatrists, they FINALLY issued me a special issuance medical certificate. With the caveat that I enroll in the HIMS program, and get tested 14 times per year, for multiple years, see the HIMS AME 4 times a year, and basically just bend over backwards for them, all with the threat of them revoking my med. cert. at any time. I just can't do that. The costs for the testing ($200 per PeTH test, $500 per HIMs visit, etc) would be another 15-20k just in testing and visits. I just don't think I have the ability to withstand all of that pressure and financial obligation. You win FAA. I give up.

edit: Yes I know I fucked up and I regret it, I haven't done anything since. I'm not making excuses or asking for a pity party. I shouldn't have driven with anything in my system. I wasn't thinking back then. Thanks for all the comments and suggesstions

Edit 2: I might be looking into the basic med route. I never intended to ever go past third class med, I just wanted to fly myself and maybe family. No intention to fly anything higher. It was purely as a hobby