As a woman looking for a serious FLR and who has been on Fetlife, Feeld and now Reddit, this is the number one reason I reject a sub that is otherwise a good candidate: they are looking for a Domme rather than a life partner that they are sexually compatible with & kink aligned.

Yes, there is a difference. If you are looking for a Dominant partner and have centered the foundation of the relationship on kink and a D/s dynamic (the tone I get time & time again from subs) you are off to a precarious start. I’d argue you are not really looking for a partner at all, you’re looking for a sex object with whom you get along with.

A strong lasting relationship cannot be built on this as a foundation. It is akin to saying you want the foundation of the relationship to be great sex. The foundation of a life-partner level relationship has to be an emotional connection, love, respect, shared values.

Sexually compatibility is hugely important. Yes, D/s can absolutely be a huge part of your relationship. If you’re lucky, it can even hopefully resemble whatever porn fantasy you both want it to. But it cannot be the foundation of your connection with this person.

When I search for a partner, I look for someone emotionally intelligent, compatible, capable of connecting with me beyond kink, and willing to build a strong emotional foundation for our relationship.

If men approached me with this in mind, they’d have much more success.

What are your thoughts?