Heyo everyone, sorry if this is the weong sub or if nobody cares, I just wanted to get this off my soul and maybe someone has advice for me in the end...

My GF and I have been together for more than 8 and a half years. We are both each other's first serious partner and we went through an enormous amount of pain and suffering together, both mentally and physically.

Pretty early in our relationship I found out about my kinky side and through reddit and literotica I got a pretty good idea of the things I like and what I dislike. Back then I talked to my GF about my interest in Sadism, Masochism (switching basically) and also being a sub. She aggreed to try being Masochistic as that was the least "work" for her.

Pretty quickly we both found out that she is vanilla and we did not pursue kinky stuff anymore. I could more or less keep it to fantasies, sonetimes my hand wandered to her throat during sexy time but nothing more serious. After that there were a few times when I was horny that I joked about a D/S or FLR dynamic in our relationship but it was more or less a "joke(?)"

Through a huge coincidence I met a sex coach and also dominatrix while travelling for work. We had a deep conversation about needs and desires as I told her that I am currently thinking about proposing to my GF but could not imagine being in a poly relationship and so I would have to forever give up my dream of a FLR dynamic in my relationship.

This lady helped me enormously by teaching me ways to communicate and also to show my GF ways to "get into" the D/S world like the three minute game for example and what that stands for.

After that I took a microdosis shrooms for courage and to find the right words and confronted my GF for the very first time in a serious way about my feelings for her, my plans for our future and my sexual desires. It was nearly a whole day of talking, screaming, tears, cuddling, talking and more cuddling but it felt good. We openly communicated for the first time. At first a bit reluctantly as we both didn't want to be seen as the weirdo but then we opened up.

I told her about my desires to feel pain and to serve her. She told me that she thought D/S and my desires would be something like a scat fetish or that she is constantly running around in full learher outfit and a whip and she didn't want to do any of that. Also it was her fear that being in a D/S relationship would mean that she has to coordinate my life as you would do for a child.

This was two weeks ago. From Mo-Fr I am nearly always travelling for work but last weekend she told me she would love to give it a try. First thing ever in our (future?) flr was the most painful handjob I ever received with fingernails, ballbusting and pot. Since then I am hooked.

It takes a bit for her to getting used to relaxing while I do ALL the chores except cooking. Up to now we split them.

Now it's up to me to not fuck it up. My GF (or should I say my Queen?) is/was the most vanilla person you could imagine and right now she is open to trying it. It's so hard to not just dive in completely and "overwhelming" her by trying to be the best little slave she could wish for. I need to learn to "microdose" my submissive side. Maybe I can "teach" her to be dominant? In me it's still a fight because basically I am "forcing" the D/S dynamic on her when I am trying to serve her if she isn't in the mood for it. Or am I overthinking this?

But I swear to everything I have and know, it is the most fulfilling and the most amazing feeling to be able to serve the one person in the world that I love more than anything else including myself and food.