Disclaimer: This piece is written with the intent of humor and entertainment. Any resemblance to real individuals or situations is purely coincidental.

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1. TikTok baby Dommes
These fledgling Dommes are easily identified by their desperate calls like “Hiii I’m new, plz help!”, “Send, loser!”, and “Approach!”. Stranded in the vast void of their own inexperience, they often flood Reddit threads and DM subs with cringeworthy persistence. Reading the room? Impossible. Reading at all? Questionable. Ironically, they’re frequently unwitting finsubs, paying more experienced Dommes for “educational materials.” They eagerly reply to every “Hi baby, I’m a legit sugar daddy, no nudes or anything sexual required” scam on X, only to rage-quit after three days. Cue the meltdown: “My friend told me this would be EASY!” Should they persevere beyond two weeks, their repertoire becomes a chorus of “Where are the real subs?” and “Why are all subs scammers?”

2. Soft Dommes
She didn’t intend to end up here, but when the money started rolling in, she decided to stick it out. Vanilla like a warm glass of milk at a rave party. Sometimes, she’s a slightly matured version of the TikTok baby Domme who decided to actually learn the ropes by mimicking successful Dommes. Her punishments are laughably mild, like making a sub write “I am a bad boy” ten times - though guilt often gets the best of her, leading to profuse apologies and refunding the tribute. She might even toss in a little extra, just to soothe the emotional “trauma” she feels she caused.

3. Holier-Than-Thou Dommes
These Dommes claim to be here solely for the kink, not the money - heaven forbid! Cash is merely an accidental byproduct of their oh-so-pure fetish. Strangely, though, their “tribute requirements” hover around “ten trillion dollars” because, after all, “I’m worth it.” Sessions with this type are as dry as last year’s Christmas fruitcake. A conversation with them? Equally lifeless. Admitting they enjoy the financial side of Findom would be akin to confessing they've been hosting tea parties for their collection of socks.

4. Manic Pixie Witch Mermaid Dommes
Living embodiments of chaos, they are manifestation queens who likely identify as Libras and bear whimsical names like Hannaugh, Giniphyr, or - inevitably - Cuntleigh. Masters of tarot readings but clueless about the difference between astrology and astronomy, they radiate entitled, privileged white-girl energy. IRL, they’ll preach pseudo-spiritual advice to the less fortunate with gems like “Money isn’t the key to happiness, maybe you need inner peace.” Their bookshelf is adorned with Paulo Coelho novels, which they consider profound.

5. Hunter Dommes
Forever online, these relentless prowlers haunt Reddit communities in search of submissives. Their strategy? Drop generic comments on posts just to remain visible. They’re chameleons, perfectly mirroring a sub’s interests by scouring his comment history to fabricate matching “kinks.” Screenshots of “her” Throne gifts flood her feed, where she brags about whale subs gifting her extravagant items like a custom island in the shape of her butt. The catch? She often forgets to hide the empty “recent gifters” tab on her account.