I started out as a content creator first and kept getting requests for femdom & fetish content, so I decided to lean into it. I feel so comfortable and loved in the femdom community. Findom is just one of the many fetishes a dom/me can offer, and I like to offer a variety of things.

That being said, the number of people who come to me saying they want findom when what they really want is scripted fetish sexting &/ roleplay was surprising.

I often have to tell people, "Listen, if you want content or a custom service, we can do that but it's not femdom and my rates are my rates. You don't get to tell me - as a dominant - what to do or say. Ever."

Fem/FinDom is submitting yourself to the service and pleasure of your mistress with reverence because she reflects the energy and light of the Divine Femme. As a submissive, you don't get to decide what that means to me. You serve me in the way that I'm comfortable with and that I enjoy and you don't get to whine about it or argue with me. I'm not going to put in the work to dominate someone in a productive & empowering manner when they can't be bothered to follow simple directions with a service-focused attitude!

What frustrates me is all the people saying findom isn't sex work and a domme would never get naked or masturbate on camera or make custom content. I've said it before and I'll say it again - I do whatever the fuck I want!

”’Real’ findoms aren't sex workers!”

If you're dominating someone for pay (or assisting in their sexual enjoyment in any way), it's sex work and therefore, it is transactional.

Sex workers are part of the kink/BDSM scene. Dominatrixes are paid for their labor and still considered dommes. Why shouldn't this apply to dominant &/ kinky sex workers who don't operate from a physical dungeon?

"Well finsubs don't want/deserve nudity."

Then they can just not fucking look. You gotta pay for my nudity anyway and that's ALWAYS on MY terms, so who holds the real power here, me or you?

”Most dommes aren't in it for the kink!”

Money IS the kink for a lot of us. Cash fetish is a very real thing. Also, bold of you to assume we don't get off on telling people what to do and not having to repeat ourselves. That's a feeling that never gets old.

”Yeah, but dommes don't get turned on by being given money & gifts!”

ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY we do! How tf would we not be?!

I feel most male/masc subs don't look at this from the perspective that most dommes do. Historically, girls & women were sold- I MEAN married off to the highest bidder. Families wanted to know their daughter's basic needs would be provided for and wanted to cement powerful alliances. That's been a custom since biblical times and it only recently fell out of common practice in the western world.

As a consequence of that millennia-old custom, girls & women were strongly discouraged - or even outright forbidden - from pursuing careers or learning a trade. Even if a woman did manage to work outside the home or do anything that allowed her to earn money, she earned a pittance compared to her male peers and her oldest male next of kin had the rights to take her earnings and withhold it from her. Real power is in monetary wealth. Real freedom is in monetary wealth. That has never not been true and women were denied access to both for a very, very long time.

Many financial dominants are cash fetishists, people who are turned on by handling currency &/ high value things. I know cash is filthy, but I love rubbing it all over myself and smelling it so fucking much! I've laid in bed and just dragged strands of salt water pearls over my body and been turned on by wearing designer clothes. I've saved bank deposit slips to remember the feeling of depositing large sums of money to give myself a dopamine boost!

So yes, knowing that someone is voluntarily giving you money (especially someone who historically & culturally has always had greater/easier access to money) that you get to keep and use for your own purposes is EXTREMELY AROUSING.

"You can't talk to subs without tribute or you're feeding the freeloaders!"

Again, I can do whatever the fuck I want. How would I know the difference between a finsub and a submissive of literally any other variety if we never have a conversation? That also raises all kinds of red flags for me regarding non-consensual kink (and not the sexy kind).

I don't understand why discussions about boundaries, hard limits, safe words and budget aren't initiated by financial submissives as often as they are in literally every other kink.

”Findom teaches us we aren't deserving of intimacy &/ human connection for free.”

That's completely inaccurate. A lot of what you see posted on social media or in clip sites is done to grab attention. It's mostly ad copy, which is designed to get eyeballs on the creator's content and it works because it's so extreme.

A dom/me can teach you how to budget better, how to cut costs in your everyday life without sacrificing too much, how to save money towards a goal, and so many other fetishes can be incorporated into a findom dynamic to work with your non-findom goals (for example, asking your domme for advice on how to make yourself more appealing in the dating market). I enjoy helping my subs grow as humans so they can live better lives.

Any dom/me you stumble across saying you don't deserve to have a comfortable life or that you don't deserve fulfilling relationships is either trying to foster engagement for clicks OR is someone you probably don't want to work with (unless that's your kink, no judgment here).

”Financial domination isn't a service, it's a scam.”

If I were teaching a submissive better money management and helping them achieve some lifestyle or kink goals, that's an investment of my time and I deserve to be compensated for it. If I ruin the sub, they can no longer pay for my services, so I'd be screwing myself. It benefits the dom/me in this dynamic because the better the sub is doing financially, the more expendable income they have, which they could then give their dom/me a portion of in gratitude.

There are people who practice findom in their personal relationships, but I can't mimic that type of dynamic & cash play online. There are plenty of other things I can do but the submissive has to be cooperative and I feel like a lot of self-proclaimed submissive types who say they're into findom just want to waste an online sex worker's time because they don't see us as people trying to do a job. Yes, I enjoy the work but it is still a job.

"A 'real domme' will have XYZ toys/outfits/platforms/will suit my ideal vision of a domme *at all times** !”*

Dommes don't exist, live & breathe to feed anyone's fetish 24/7 (if at all). Performing for submissives and other “dommes” is ALSO not our reason for existence and we don't need other D/s types to validate our choices.

”I want a ‘vanilla domme’!”

That's an oxymoron, a contradiction in terms. Vanilla means no kink, fetish, or BDSM. Domme means she's a female dominant, a femme dom, a woman who enjoys dominating others and gets satisfaction &/ pleasure from doing so. Findom is a part of femdom (female dominance) and falls under the BDSM/fetish/kink umbrella, ergo it is not - and cannot be - vanilla.

”Using adult-only platforms doesn't verify that I'm of legal age because sites only require checking a box saying you're 18 !”

I can't guarantee someone is who they say they are or that they're being truthful about anything, but making them pay through a legal site for adult content covers my ass. It's one more measure to make sure I don't catch a charge because someone else decided to lie.

”Can I cum tribute you instead, Mistress? I'm really broke right now.”

Cum tributes and jerk off vids do absolutely nothing for me. I also dgaf about your dick size.