I feel like a complete failure, not just as a man, but as a human being. In fact, I don’t really feel like a traditionally masculine male anyway, I’m some freak who’s into femdom stuff, most women expect men to dominate them.

I’m also not very good looking apparently, so it’s even more important that I make more money to make up for that and give women more of a chance to want to be with me (good looking or not, who wants to be with someone who can’t afford rent and bills? No one wants to be at constant risk of ending up on the streets).

I’m not saying all women are gold diggers, (I do live in the US, the western world, I’ll leave it at that, and yes I’m a white American, so don’t assume I’m from elsewhere, people can complain about their own country too) but really, I don’t think anyone wants to deal with constant financial insecurity. It doesn’t just cause stress and arguments, but genuine risk of ending up homeless, or (if lucky) back to living with family dependent on them. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a blessing to have, but it doesn’t feel great to HAVE to have.

I don’t hate my family, and it’s not terrible hell living with my parents. I do pay a little (while making NOT EVEN $400 a week) but barely save any money anymore and constant credit card debt, often taking the entire next paycheck and therefore relying on the credit card that week again.

I don’t feel I should be asking my parents to let me pay less (usually $300-$400, more or less, depends on the bill which varies, I pay $100 rent and two utility bills) especially at my age.

I rely on health insurance (which sent 26 I have to get from my own age, US law allows you to stay on your parents health insurance until 26) to afford my multiple prescription medications that will have terrible withdrawal if I suddenly stopped, even slow gradual reducing the dose can be very dangerous and shocking to the nervous system and brain and body) so less hours could mean losing health insurance. GoodRX would discount meds, but not the doctors visits to refill them, nor the blood tests or other potential procedures, ER visit I probably just wouldn’t even pay……

I take Uber/Lyft a lot, live pretty close to the job, usually less than $10 a ride, sometimes less than $8. My parents also often give me a ride so I’m kind of cheating I guess.

Besides the fact that I couldn’t afford a car anyway, I stopped trying to drive because of rage and panic attacks (mostly from loud sudden noises, even after getting on MORE medication for worsening uncontrollable explosive rage, which fortunately did help a lot) and constant intrusive thoughts.

The intrusive thoughts sometimes get overwhelming and stick around for some weeks or months, sometimes they fade away, it’s strange. I also have OCD so that probably makes it worse.

I have a million different ideas, just wish I could instantly bring into existence. The closest thing to that now is AI generating, but it’s not perfect yet and it’s also oversaturated with so many people already using it. It cannot however generate say, fully animated videos or fully automate video editing, definitely can’t create video games.

I spend too much time playing video games and watching YouTube, because I feel I have no better use of my time anyway, and it provides short-term pleasure I can’t otherwise have. I can’t just, instantly create a successful business or launch myself into a successful career. I can’t just instantly have a girlfriend (AI doesn’t count, I don’t do that either) or even visit a sex worker because THAT’S illegal in nearly all of the US. It wouldn’t really SOLVE any problem anyway.

I feel like time is moving faster and faster (this perception of time acceleration is actually supported by science) and I’m just losing more and more of my life.

I was a loser in my teens, AND my 20s. I’d at least like to be able to save my 30s, and if possible the last few years of my 20s.

I’d like to not be a 30 year old virgin who’s never had a girlfriend, but that’s not even the NUMBER 1 priority anymore. It’s actually supposed to just be a normal byproduct of life, but I’m not normal and haven’t had a normal life…..

I have been let go from jobs and told how they’re “SO SORRY” because I “TRIED SO HARD” but I just wasn’t cutting it. Like what, am I retarded or something? They certainly wouldn’t say that, because then I could sue them with proof of discrimination.

I’ve also only worked in retail/grocery though. Without being able to drive (I’m not sure I ever will drive now) or a degree (stopped going back to school because I was unsure of my major, [and now AI is automating a lot of it too], and I knew transferring to a university after 2 years meant either having to commute to downtown or somehow moving to live there).

I know this is wrong, but I have legitimately thought about trying to scam people. But even that requires hard work, probably better to put that work into something legit and legal instead.

It feels like everything has too much competition, and only the BEST OF THE BEST can be successful and even make a living wage.

I do not see myself becoming the next Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos. But many regular jobs won’t pay any of their employees enough to afford rent and bills (including billion dollar corporations!). I also have to actually be good at something, of course.

I’m almost 30 and have no idea what to do.

I don’t identify with the typical “incel” community, but I’ll just say this, I’m not virgin or celibate because I want to be.

Too many thoughts, can’t focus on anything, don’t even know what would lead to success. I’m already 30, is it even possible to change these things (too broke to support myself, single virgin) before I’m 30? Before I’m 35? Things take time, right? I already lost a lot of my time, it just feels wasted.

You could sieve your ENTIRE LIFE at a job and it never pays good or has any opportunities to progress, plenty of people RETIRE from these jobs only because they get donations from a GoFundMe……

I don’t ever want kids now, but I really want to be with a woman romantically and sexually…..

I also got kind of an addiction to virgin humiliation JOI now, like, EXTRA MEAN femdom, lots of censored porn “for betas”, but feels pretty bad after finishing….