I’m a man. A manly man’s man. And I’ve always wanted to learn to sew manly stuff. But the horrors I discovered when I finally invested in my manly sewing machine (it has cute little manly blue flowers on it). You see, no one ever told me that sewing is primarily a WOman’s hobby. And that there are all these sewing patterns meant for WOMEN. What’s a manly man to do now. As soon as I plugged in my new machine I felt my estrogen levels skyrocket. My manly chest hair fell out. My balls shrunk up into two little flaps that look vaguely like a pair of meat curtains (I’m a manly man remember so I don’t use terms like “labia”). The last straw was seeing a pattern for a dress advertised. I’m a manly man that doesn’t wear dresses! Why does that even exist!

By the way does anyone know if my Walmart special Singer can handle 10oz leather? I feel the need to craft a well structured codpiece to display to the world exactly what genitals I behold.