this post mirrors alot of others emotions In general but I'm struggling to bring both my masculine and feminine physical characteristics into balance I really enjoy the femboy aesthetic but as I get older 24 at the moment.

My masculine characteristics get more prominent eg. Widows peak. somewhat of a jawline from weight loss. and a very gender neutral face depending how I style my hair. I enjoy these aspects as a man but when trying to be a femboy I deeply loath them.

When I see myself in the mirror my mind screams at me this is not what your supposed to be not a mockery of a femboy or someone trying to be something that is a impossible standard to achieve with my harsh features

the feminine aspects I do have soft voice lips and hips and mid length hair I also struggle to be happy with like I would like to look like a femboy and have a deep voice at the same time? Very paradoxical thinking tbh and it make finding a way to balance both parts of myself next to impossible.

Also can we talk how brutal the beauty standard is to being a Femboy is perfect skin tiny waist can't be to short or tall also the insane effort I've had to put in to my workout routine just to fit in thigh highs and boots is insane who ever invented leg lifts and Burpees my tall fat self loaths you.

Why does makeup have to be almost like a hidden magic ? I work alot so I struggle having the time to learn how to apply basic lipstick or foundation/eyeliner no matter how much I practice 4 years I've done make up on myself just look like a melted clown because I'm a pale ass guy the only consist stuff I can apply is nail polish outside of that I'm very bad in general with the lovecraftian art what is makeup

To round up my vent post I dunno is this my identity anymore I spent years money time on outfits wigs makeup boots waist trainers etc and just packing it all away for a while tends to make little difference I'm aware most of my bitching is external stimuli or personal doubt I have to over come myself but clinging to a identity synonyms with youth beatuy and physical perfection Is so draining and I dunno what to do about it anymore I don't think I fall under being cute or pretty enough to be a femboy anymore frustrating to be hyperfocused on this at 6am but apparently this is the Criss my brain has developed for me tonight pondering over with my insomnia so I'm kind of Lost if I'm honest