I see these posts all the time from transfem spaces where someone comes out to their fem partner as trans, and it's seen as this sort of ultimate betrayal and deceit. I understand that most people are attracted to someone for their gender and not for who they are as a person, so I get that coming out as trans usually means the end of the relationship...but for some reason, people take it further and accuse the newly-out partner as being selfish and deceitful for repressing for so long. What's worse, a lot of straight trans women will accuse their newly-out partners as somehow being abusive and using them, accusing them of living their fantasy through their trans partner, instead of being empathetic and supportive of someone who literally is going through the same stuff they did.

So I'm wondering, are there a lot of femboys out there with "masc" boyfriends who share this same hypocrisy, where if their boyfriend came out as a femboy they would consider it a betrayal? Maybe I'm weird but I legit think you're a bad person if you think it's ok for you to crossdress and wear fem clothes and be happy, but it's not ok for your partner to do that because they have to be "the man" in the relationship. (I've never been in this boat, because I prefer to date other fem people - right now both me and my bf are femboys. Even if that wasn't the case, I wouldn't feel betrayed or used if they decided to change genders or presentation.) Thoughts on this?