Me 24m when this happened N21mtf So I was friends with a fellow Femboy during lockdown and we got super close to the point we would text each other everyday and on occasion flirt fast forward two years and thanks too both of us having dramatic lives and stuff getting in the way we never got to meet irl a few months ago but I fucked it up big time. N told me they were trans and I was happy for them at first but also super sad I fell for the guy they used to be when we meet at first so this really shook me and I felt horrible for feeling so sad selfish and distant about it because I'm so happy she has found herself and was living her best life. I cancelled my trip to meet her irl I was struggling to accept someone I fell for no longer existed and it was painful N was aware I was a gay man so anything romantic obviously off the table now I won't lie it was my own fault for reacting so emotional but I'm so annoyed at myself saying we should part ways as I wanted her new life to be drama free without me being in it and I just felt like I would be a burden in her new existence but I'm still think about her daily hope she's ok and deeply regret cutting contact with her as I'm aware how neagtive an impact not having a support foundation there for her and all I keep thinking I probably threw away a lifelong friendship because I couldn't accept she couldn't be with me .... And it's like I'm both mourning for someone I use to know and hate myself for not sticking around to see the strong beautiful woman I know they will be I don't want to make something that's not happening to me but I literally cry at night about it still and I don't know what to do anymore what do you call what I'm feeling? Because Its horrible and I feel like a truly awful human being for doing what I did can anyone relate to this?