I posted recently about our flr no longer being a happy place for me and since then our whole relationship has finally fallen apart and hopefully ended for good.

We have known each other for a couple of years and met while I was in a polyamorous relationship. Since then, life circumstances changed and we got closer. We landed in flr and we were doing the best we ever had. Then, he kind of disappeared one weekend and when he came back, he told me he had been keeping a friendship with another woman secret. A woman who he has never had sex with but they did have a D/s dynamic where he served her and she watched him be sexual with other people.

At first, I was willing to let it go and just let them be friends but it didn’t take but a couple of days for him to start prioritizing that relationship over ours. He messed up plans with me and kept trying to make time for her without letting me know. And, then it occurred to me that he had found a loophole to cheat on me because it wasn’t sex but he’s still serving her; helping her with projects and doing chores in her house. Things that he does for me as his Mistress. And, I was hurt and scared and went to him about it. He admits that it was probably cheating and I think halfheartedly agreed not to see her anymore. But every time he went to talk to her something happened and he changed his mind. And then he kept insisting that he wasn’t taking care of her the way he takes care of me because their relationship isn’t sexual but he’s helping her with housework and paperwork and taking her to run errands like he does for me. And, if his kink is service, isn’t that a D/s relationship still?

As it all came to a head, he really was just trying to get what he wanted- both of us and he really had no regard for how much he was hurting me. He actually just spent this whole last weekend telling me how much he loves me and how he needs me and wants to serve me. Only to turn around and keep asking to go to her house and take care of her on Monday. I had to end things and I feel awful. We loved each other very much even before flr and we had really found our groove with it I thought. I have been beating myself up for handling this situation that I didn’t know how to be in in the ways that I have. But, I also feel like he was trying to manipulate this situation the whole time just to get his way and he didn’t care that he was hurting me.

I have been living in grief and a great deal of just upheaval this year and I am struck by how quickly something that felt so wonderful and supportive just turned into this weird painful situation. I have lost someone who I felt like was my person that loved and supported me in huge ways and he’s fine with it because he really just prioritized getting his way above all else.

Anyway, my mind is swimming. I am sure I did some things wrong because I am not perfect but I really feel stupid for how hard I was trying to fix this when he was serving someone else. I guess I just need to vent about my hurt and hopefully someone here can empathize.

Maybe I’ll find out that I made a bigger deal out of this and it’s my fault that we’re over. But this whole thing is so damn painful. I am grieving something that was the best part of my life a few weeks ago and it’s terrifying and lonely. Does anyone have any sage advice?