I'm white, 5'6, 130lbs, slightly fit, averagely attractive (imho), and introverted (INT-J), with brown hair and garbage eyesight. I'm slender without much body hair, like a straight twink. My intention as a partner is to be extremely accommodating, affectionate, and obedient. I'm seeking a dominant woman aged 18 to early 30s, living within four hours of Livermore. I'm not interested in hookups, long distance relationships, or non-monogamy. I'll send SFW pics first if you can send your own in response.

About me:

I try to be not only whimsical and odd to the people around me, but also vaguely threatening. I like touching animals, eating the skin off my lower lip, imagining how great everything would be if I was the president, committing crimes, making money, talking to myself, and occasionally programming. I'm no longer a cringe gamer, but I can be your subby pocket medic who calls you Mommy in voice chat if you need one :3. I like nature and trying new things, but I really only leave my place to go to work. I'm into bands like AM, CWK, FOB, GA, ID, Joywave, Muse, RHCP, and The Strokes. I absolutely LOVE speeding at night, in rain or fog, while singing along to TOP. I'm very organized and sanitary. As a radical introvert, I never choose to be around other people. I'm quiet and socially awkward, yet I swallowed a hot dog in front of all of my coworkers. I only drink socially, meaning rarely. I've never done drugs, but I'll try anything once. I have two associate's degrees, but I'll get a bachelor's in something at some point.

I will touch any animal that lets me get close. Birds can't escape once I GET them. I picked up and talked to an injured seagull, and he bit me even though I was being so nice to him. I keep canned sardines in my car so I can throw fish at stray cats. I think dog food smells good. I like most bugs, and I don't kill them if they get inside. Spiders get to stay as long as they keep to the ceiling. Dolphins were always my favorite animal, and I like that they're a little freaky.

About you:

I'm only looking for a perfect match, so my requirements are not flexible. You can't have any kids, but you need to want kids, and we need to have similar beliefs. I'm an atheist/agnostic, so I'm not looking for anyone who goes to church. I voted for Orange Hitler, and I'm only looking to date a fascist or right-leaning centrist. I have strong opinions, but I only vote because the ballot is mailed to me, and I don't get into debates over things that we have no control over anyway. My point is that I don't think I'm annoyingly political. I don't agree with the Republicans on everything. For example, while I hate Democrat politicians and the media, I hate fetuses much more. Sometimes I get so angry while thinking about fetuses that I have to take my revolver out of my desk and grip it really tight for a few minutes until I calm down. I'm also not homophobic, because legitimately good furry porn is rare, and sometimes the best I can find is gay. We don't need to agree on everything, but this wouldn't work out if you lean left.

The most important thing about you is that you're loyal. I don't want to hear from you if you've ever cheated or have even felt tempted. I honestly think that adultery should be a crime. Polyamory and cuckoldry are also not up for consideration and never will be. You should be disgusted by the idea of sharing your partner or letting him watch from the closet as a much more attractive and virile man shares deep inside you, then orders your partner to lap it up like a thirsty dog.

You must be intelligent and able to hold interesting conversations. The internet said I have an IQ of 135, which puts me in the 99th percentile. You must prove yourself worthy by deciphering one of my secret languages while under a challenging yet reasonable time constraint. You also need to be willing to communicate at all times. I don't like yelling, because I suck at it, and I don't get passive aggressive. I find it hard to be brutally honest, but I try to always tell the truth, and I'll only keep two secrets. I'm a reasonable person looking for another reasonable person who thinks that disagreements in a relationship should always be resolved respectfully.

My only body requirements are that you're female and generally below 180 lbs. If you're tall or muscular, you may be healthy at that number, but it's already officially overweight at my height. I hate making people feel unwanted, but I'll politely reject any BBWs who message me. I don't care about cup size, height, hair color or length, or whether your style is more feminine, masculine, or androgynous, though I won't pretend that I don't care at all about attractiveness. I'm emphasizing personality, but I'm shallow enough to lose my enthusiasm once I see your face. I'm probably a 4-6 based on who's measuring, so that's what I'm looking for.

I'd love to belong to a badass woman who would join me to investigate a noise in the middle of the night, shoot the intruder as he's running away, and liquify him in a vat of acid. It would be so hot if you could pay the bill at a restaurant without tipping, because tipping is stupid but I'm a huge pussy. You should also love creatures and be willing to touch them with me. I hope you aren't afraid of insects and you also let spiders chill on the ceiling, but I'll put them outside if you need me to. Ideally, we would both like the same music and you can tell me that my singing sounds like shit.

First date:

Your needs, wants, comfort, and satisfaction will be my obsession. I don't mind driving up to three hours away so I can be convenient for you. We can go anywhere you want, and if we go to a few places, I'd like to drive you around while you control the music and AC. Obviously you should be in charge, so I'll follow your lead and do as you say. I like driving, but if I'm gonna dedicate six hours to travel, you would need to have the whole day set aside and be willing to generally split the costs. Ideally, we'd end the day snuggling somewhere cozy while watching cat videos or just talking. I keep my car perfectly clean, so we could cuddle in the back seat. We could cuddle at your place if you want to invite me, or you can invite yourself over to mine if you're nearby. I'm normal and can be trusted with knowledge of where you sleep.

You'll be in control of any escalations in intimacy. That means I'll only touch you if you touch me first, then give me permission to react. I won't make any suggestions or drop any hints either. That's probably weird, but I feel like it assures you that I'm actually interested in getting to know you. It also lets me know that you're interested enough to take the initiative, which is something I need in order to satiate my fear of imposing on people. I'm fine with taking things slow, but I'm not opposed to progressing quickly if that's what you want to do.

Long term:

I'm generally a people pleaser, but when it comes to you, that would be an understatement. I'd find fulfillment in serving you, as long as you aren't just selfish and you make your appreciation clear. I'm not looking for a TPE dynamic, but your preferences would supersede mine in joint decisions and you could tell me what to wear. I want to be your equal most of the time and your enthusiastically submissive servant whenever you want something, while always being respected.

The whole point of dating for me is to eventually get married. I'd have no problem with you proposing after a year. I think diamonds are stupid, and I wouldn't want either of us spending thousands on a ring. I'm saving to buy us a house, preferably in a different state, not a rock. I don't believe in saving sex for marriage, but if you'd prefer to take things slow, I'd happily wait for months to prove my devotion. I don't care about my last name, so I'll gladly take yours. I actually don't care about my first name either, so you can pick a new one for me if you want.

My dream is to own a small house on a few acres with a bunch of animals while belonging to the perfect woman, and I'd constantly remind her how grateful I am to be her's. I'll be realistic, but I want a cat, a husky, fish, chickens, ducks, goats, and bees. I'm not talking about a whole ass farm, just a nice variety of pets, some of which I can suck nourishing secretions out of, as well as a bunch of edible plants. We could also just live in a suburb if you want, since that all seems like a lot of work. Regardless, we will only have grass if we have goats to eat it, which is my biggest requirement of all. Lawns are a waste of time and water, so we'll have moss, and that's final. Having moss is more important to me than having a wife. You simply can't compete, so if you don't like moss, get the fuck out of here.

I want to adopt, but I don't want the government up my ass because you shouldn't have to share it. I'm fine with making a few kids, despite the risk of passing on whichever genes made me like this. We could also just steal newborns from people who don't deserve them, then say they came out of you. I'll get a vasectomy whenever we've decided to cease production. I'd never consider having you use any kind of birth control that you don't like using. We won't give our kids brainrot machines so they'll leave us alone. I want to actually be a good parent, so I'm gonna feed them supplements and make them expand the vast tunnel system under our house, to build character.

It would be nice if at least one of us could work only part time. If you already have a career and you want a stay at home husband, I'll be your trad malewife. I'll wear a catboy maid outfit while I clean, I'll greet you with a kiss when you get home, and you can beat me if dinner isn't ready.

Love languages:

All of the love languages make me feel fuzzy, but physical touch is my favorite. I'm not afraid to cuddle in public, and I don't care if people can tell that you're in charge. I'd love to provide acts of service to let you know that you're always on my mind. When you're on your period, I'll do anything I can to ease your pain and help you relax, like by massaging you or getting you anything you ask for. I like giving thoughtful gifts anytime, and would probably always have one stashed away to improve a bad day. Affirmation makes me very uncomfortable because I feel like I never deserve it, so you should force me to get used to it. I'd love to let you know that you're the first thing I think of when I wake up, either with a kiss or a text. I want to spend as much quality time with you as possible. I'd want to go everywhere and try everything with you, then have long conversations at night, where we say we need to go to sleep but we're still talking about our plans two hours later.

Consent:

You deserve to always know that you're safe, to have complete control over your own body, and to have your boundaries respected. If you decide to get intimate, I might annoy you with how diligent I am about getting your consent for every little thing. I want you to be able to rely on me to keep you comfortable, and I might actually cry if I feel like I disregarded you at any point. I also just think it's really sweet and sexy to let your partner know that you care about making them feel safe and listened to. You don't need my consent to touch me platonically, but I'll get yours before returning the gesture. It would be completely up to you to escalate things, and I'd be flattered to know you're interested, even if it's a bit soon. Consent would eventually be implied once we're both comfortable with that, but for now, I'd need it verbally and enthusiastically.

Sex:

God damn, this section takes up half the post. How embarrassing. It gets graphic, so just skip to the conclusion if you decide you've read enough. My hard limits are the obviously gross stuff, anything illegal, CBT, findom, ageplay, cuckoldry, and polyamory. Please stay away if you're into that. If polyamory or cuckoldry appeals to you even a little, then I'm not interested in you. If you tell me on our 10 year anniversary that you've secretly always wanted to change my diaper, I'm leaving with the kids. I also don't like sadism/masochism, humiliation, degradation, chastity cages, or TPE. I'll try anything once, but I don't think I'll change my mind on those.

My biggest fetish is giving pleasure (seriously, I'll explain), and others are gentle femdom, less gentle femdom, foreplay, edging, orgasm control, overstimulation, teasing, begging, praise, cunnilingus, creampies, breeding, aftercare, and mommy/mistress/puppy/good boy talk. As you can see, I have the best kinks. I don't have any weird fetishes, but if furries were real, I wouldn't be fucking with any of you filthy primates. I'm not gay, but I'd fuck a fit fox guy way before considering a human woman. I'd probably like bondage, body worship, pegging, choking, CNC, and anything else that doesn't make either of us feel unloved or inadequate. I think anal is gross, but if you wanna don the strap, I'll bounce on it and moan like a girl. There are jokes in this post, but this isn't one of them. I WILL let you fuck me with the strap, and I WILL moan effeminately. I'd prefer that it's a bad dragon, because I don't wanna look down and see a human cock in my ass, since I'm not gay, as you know.

I'm genuinely not into feet. I may joke about sucking toes, but I also joke about being gay and sucking meaty cocks, and I only did that twice. I'm not into feet, but your entire body is beautiful and deserves to be worshiped, so I'll kiss yours. I just don't want to suck the sweat from your toes or get a footjob, because I don't have a foot fetish. If I did have a foot fetish, I'd like them a little sweaty from a short jog. You could shove them right into my face and I'd give them a big whiff and lick them from heel to toe, then I'd suck each toe for a full minute and trim your toenails with my teeth, but that's not for me.

I'll use full protection until we both get tested. I don't have any STDs, and you shouldn't either. If you want, our second date can be at a clinic. We can hold hands while they draw our blood and you can comfort me because I'm afwaid of needles. Within a week, I could be eating your pussy like it's peanut butter, which is something I eat quite often. I have no experience, but I'm apparently a natural at kissing. I'd humbly submit to the fact that you're the only expert in pleasing you, and I'd obsessively follow all of your instructions. For our first time, I'd probably prefer to just satisfy you while being held, instructed, and praised, then cuddling extensively. I would need you to be extremely gentle, and I wouldn't be surprised if I started crying. If you hold me, tell me that it's okay to be emotional with you, and tell me that I've been doing a good job, that would probably make me even more eager to please you. I'm looking for someone who wouldn't be disgusted by that, and you wouldn't be any weirder than me if you're actually into it. Crying during sex wouldn't be a permanent thing for me, and I'm usually stoic, but I'm just saying that it shouldn't be unexpected if it happens the first few times.

Once we eventually get comfortable with each other and I stop being cringe, I'll be extremely accommodating to you. As a service-oriented sub, providing service is my biggest turn on. I want to give you all the pleasure you deserve by being whatever you need me to be. I could even try being dominant if you want, though it feels right to be womanhandled. If you want me to do all the work, you can sit back and command me or just let your body tell me when I'm doing something right. I can beg desperately for reciprocation if you want, but I'll always enjoy being your source of pleasure. If you'd rather take full control, you can push me down and use me as your toy, and you won't need to treat me delicately. I'd love to feel your control as you grab me and move me into different positions, making it clear that my body is yours to do whatever you want with. If you want to focus on me, I'll beg for your permission to serve you first, up until you tell me to shut up and enjoy it. You can ask me what I want to do, then order me to do it. I'll belong to you completely and only behave in the ways you want me to.

My pleasure should be earned, and you would have complete control over when it has been. You could make sure I only ever orgasm after you, or if you're capable of having many orgasms, you can promise to reward me after I give you ten. After five, I'll say, "Halfway there, right Mommy?" and you'll say, "Hm? Oh, sure puppy. Just keep being a good boy for me." I'll go up for a kiss, and from the arousal of having my face buried where it belongs, I won't be able to stop myself from grinding against you. You'll kindly remind me that it's not my turn, and leniently require only two additional orgasms before I've earned my reward. I'll say, "Thank you Mommy," and go back to focusing entirely on you as I leak precum and desperately thrust into the air. I'll get more and more excited every time I feel your thighs squeeze my head and your clit throb on my tongue.

Once we hit twelve, I'll finally come up for air and ask, "Did you like that, Mommy? Do I get to cum now?" You'll say, "Maybe. How about you beg like a good little pet?" I'll plead with every breath as I kiss you all over your body. I'll spend extra time kissing certain spots, hoping to convince you that I've been a good boy, but knowing that I might just reignite your lust for my tongue. You'll say, "Awww, my good boy is so cute when he's desperate." I'll say excitedly, "So you'll let me cum, Mommy?" and you'd giggle and say, "Maybe later. I'm not done using you." You'll hear a muffled "Yes Mommy" as you grab my head and push it back down. Eventually, you'll say, "My little puppy made his Mommy feel so good, I think he deserves a reward." I'll say, "Are you sure mommy? Did I Do a good job?" and you'll pet me and say, "Yes puppy, you did such a good job for me." I'll be so excited to know that I satisfied you that you'll have to push me off as I frantically place little wet spots all over you. You can spend as much time as you want slowly getting me closer to my reward, and I'll beg for your permission to cum. Maybe you'll decide before I reach that point that you actually just wanted to turn me into a complete mess before sending me back down between your legs. No matter how many times you deny me, I'll still love being the lucky guy who gets to do as you say.

When you finally let me in, your heartbeat and any small movements between us will keep me on the edge. You can hold me down gently as you kiss me, pet me, and look into my eyes while you tell me you love me. I'll tell you I love you too and you'll say "I know you do. You showed me by being such a good boy, just relax for me." I'll comply and lay there as you kiss me all over my face and neck and whisper things that make me feel completely and unconditionally loved. You can call me cute as I whimper with every exhale. When you start riding me, I'll whine out "I'm getting close mommy" (or mistress or whatever you prefer to be called) and you'll grab my hands and say "Shhhh, it's okay. Let it all out for Mommy." As I do, you'll say, "Good boy, I love you so much," before cutting off my whining moans with a long kiss. When it's over, and I'm still so sensitive that my whole body twitches whenever you move, you'll say "I'm not done with you, Puppy." and you can make me squirm as you ride me for as long as you want.

I hope that, like me, you're aroused both by the idea of me being yours to exploit and yours to nurture. If I've had a bad day, your mommy instincts should drive you to comfort me. When you're justly establishing your dominance over me instead, I don't want to be insulted or made to feel worthless, rather, I prefer to be playfully teased, reminded that I'm there to satisfy you, and praised when I do. Regardless, I'd always be yours and I'd never consider not doing as you say.

Every single orgasm I have will require your permission. Sex will start and end whenever you choose. I'll always be yours to lovingly use, but if you're not in the mood and you don't want me to try to get you into it, I'll insist on waiting for you no matter how horny I am. Like my body, my pleasure should only exist for you. There's no point in me having an orgasm that you don't enjoy giving me. Neither of us should watch porn, and I won't masturbate unless you tell me to. I have no right to say you can't masturbate if you're ovulating and I'm not around, but you know we would both enjoy it if you've been ready for hours by the time I walk through your door.

I'm easy to turn on and I won't last very long, but I don't think that's a problem. During foreplay, I'll leak through my pants and I'll be incredibly sensitive to any gentle touches on my thighs and abdomen. I honestly might cum just from having my head grabbed and shoved down between your legs. I hope that sounds hot to you, rather than disappointing. Even if I could only cum once, my mouth would still work fine, but that doesn't matter since I don't have a normal refractory period. I usually cum three or four times alone, and you could probably get a lot more out of me.

I'd like to assume that a dominant woman would enjoy reading all of that. After all, I said you didn't have to read it, but here you are. I'll just emphasize once more that I'm looking for a compatible partner to spend my life with, which means we need to have more in common than an appreciation for pegging. Anyway, DICK STATS: 6.5 or 7.25 inches hard (when measured by displacement or distance), 4 inches flaccid (sometimes less), 5.875 to 5.625 inch circumference from base to end of shaft (not egg shaped), uncut gang, aggressive 40 degree upward curve (mythical, almost unheard of), 15 degree leftward curve, leaks like a faucet, has an extra hole, no refractory period, shaved (trying hair removal, pubic hair disgusts me), balls are 20x40mm (as measured with calipers), color is a healthy D29EA0 at the tip and CE8F70 on the shaft. Also, I have lots of CUM in my BALLS that I need to get rid of so you can have a bunch when you leave. It's all perfectly good, I just have too much!!!

Conclusion:

The fine print on this entire post is that much of it is theoretical since I've never been in a relationship. I hope that I'm capable and willing to act as I've described, but it would be a big adjustment. I kept this mostly positive, as everyone does in personal advertisements, but I'm an open book with the negative aspects of myself too. I want to get all possible problems and incompatibilities out of the way early.

I don't see myself as a fetishist just because I'm submissive. If a woman is submissive, that's normal, but if a guy is, that's apparently "not an appropriate subject to discuss in the workplace" and I'm supposedly "fired" and "criminally trespassed from these premises". I'm not looking for a kink dispenser, and I hope that the extensive detail in the previous section doesn't imply that I am. I'm just hoping that putting everything out there will help you decide if I'm worth trying out. I want to have a good time with you at whatever pace you're comfortable with. I welcome whatever fun activities you have in mind, like going back to your place to cuddle and pet your dogs (please).

If you're interested, tell me about all the things you think make us compatible, and anything that might be a problem. Tell me if you read all the cringe sexual stuff and if any of it was unappealing. We can avoid talking about sex if you want, but I'd at least like to know if you're fully dominant or kinda switchy. Send me a good message with enough information about yourself so that I can easily respond to it. Don't waste too much time on it, because there are still a few things I haven't mentioned which are deal breakers for me. If we're not compatible or you're too far away, but your goofy ass read this whole post anyway, I'd appreciate any critiques or compliments on the post, and we could chat a little if you want, but I don't need online friends.

Here's a list of places I'm willing to travel to, just to make this post easier to find. I'm willing to regularly drive to: San Jose, San Francisco, Fresno, Sacramento, Oakland, Stockton, Fremont, Modesto, Elk Grove, Santa Rosa, Roseville, Salinas, Hayward, Sunnyvale, Visalia, Santa Clara, Clovis, Vallejo, Concord, Fairfield, Berkeley, Antioch, Vacaville, San Mateo, Chico, Daly City, Tracy, Merced, Manteca, Citrus Heights, San Leandro, San Ramon, Folsom, Livermore. If you're willing to drive a little yourself, you can be out near Redding, Reno, or Bakersfield.