Greetings, thank you for reading this ad.

I have finally caved and decided that this is the only way to attract what I am looking for - and, as that is something most would find rather dark and unusual, here is your content warning.

Greetings and thank you for reading this series of deep introspections that coalesce together in the shape of a tasty dish of self-reflection, marinated in nerdy, smug humour and heavily seasoned with cringe.

I have finally caved and decided that not only do I want to blast my innermost desires and motivations into a digital canvas of text but also broadcast that for the world to see. Well, it’s still femdomReddit- so just the kinky side of the world. Not sure if that’s better or worse.

The following writings aim to illustrate my desires and motivations, I am convinced that all the facts about me are absolutely required to know, so that you can make an informed decision if this might be something you’re interested in. As hinted at earlier - all of this is rather niche, I can’t just draw a reference or make examples. I genuinely believe there might not be a single other person who works like me in this regard.

To illustrate what it exactly is that I am attracted towards and why this specific and rare brand of D/S speaks to me, I would like to touch on the notion of sacrifice and how it pervades this topic for me: I hold the strong belief that it is through sacrifice that we infuse significance into experiences, ideas and relationships, rendering the object of our sacrifice at least as valuable as that which was forfeited in the process.

There are various other factors to the perception and felt experience of significance as well, yet sacrifice is integral to the process of attaining meaning for me. It is by sacrificing my physical health, my happiness, my freedom that I imbue a relationship with meaning.

Additionally, I find that there is additional emotional weight attached to every interaction that follows my experience of pain. By showing that I accept, that I was just made to suffer and that I accept, that I likely will suffer again. That this is all worth it to me.

I show that I truly, genuinely mean my statements of affection.

After all, I would die for you means nothing if I don't die a little daily to prove that I am telling the truth.

That is the gist of it. If that fact offends you or makes you think lesser of me then leave this post now; for it is not for you.

I personally identify as aromantic and asexual. For the life of me, I cannot figure out if this is due to sexual trauma that I experienced in the past or not. It might be both.

Looking back, I have never been attracted to neither men nor women in the slightest and no sort of physical or emotional affection has ever brought me any joy.

I am numb to those things. They’re always uncomfortable at best and disgusting at worst. I like my friends, but I enjoy keeping them at a distance.

I have tried BDSM to scratch that itch for intimacy before. It never was that good of a match but I got closer to realising what it is that I need. Some aspects of “kink” really spoke to me - mainly the dominance that another person holds over me - but it loses my interest pretty quickly whenever I try.

Sometimes it’s how horny my “play partner” gets and how they start acting like an animal, controlled by urges I don’t understand - but other times it’s that I just lose my suspension of disbelief and am reminded of the truth.

Said truth being the disappointing reality of this interesting experience having, in actuality, just been two socially maladjusted adults roleplaying out a fantasy.

That disgusts me. The notion of a squeaky-clean and sanitised environment, scrubbed clean of all raw emotional depth. The notion of me having ultimate power over someone who is supposed to have power over me with a “safe word”. How am I supposed to take a dominant seriously when I can disarm them with the utterance of a single term or phrase?

It is all so close to being what I want, what I need, but the power I inevitably hold makes me detest the entire experience and leaves me feeling just as numb as I would in any other “intimate” interaction.

This is a feeling of being empty, embarrassed. It’s as if nothing we did or felt mattered. Because it didn’t. I never submitted to you. I simply pretended to; just as you were pretending to dominate me. We were just lying. For fun. Stripping the connection of any meaning. I told you what I wanted and you did it for me, exactly as specified. You were a tool I used to masturbate with and I feel disgusted at myself.

That was how I realized the dark nature of what I wanted, what I desired - I don’t want an equal. I want a superior.

There are some ethical concerns that come with that, I’m aware of this.

Fret not, I have considered and reviewed said concerns and was able to safely discard them.

Find my reasoning as to why below: I pride myself with my academic credentials, intellectual abilities and my active effort to try to understand, rationalise and categorise felt experiences, external knowledge and emotions. I am a cognitive being who lives in a world of overthinking, abstraction and scientific thought. If you best me at this most fundamental part of my character, who could possibly argue that you do not deserve to manipulate me at your leisure?

If you are better than me why shouldn’t I submit?

Why shouldn’t I follow your every command and let you gaslight, shame and scare me into whatever use you happen to have for me? Like desired, contested territory, I am conquered, like uncharted lands I am claimed.

If I am so far below your level, who could possibly fault you for attempting to civilise me?

If for some reason this matters to you, I’d also like to add that I am a rather fit white male with brown hair.

If any of this spoke to you: please reach out. I feel like I was able to convey my character rather well in my writing, these sorts of thoughts, analyses and contemplations are what I can bring to the table during our chats as well.

I am not quite sure what the actual interaction that I expect even is. Ideally it would be you, making me dependent on you over a long period of time through exhausting cycles of vicious emotional abuse that grow more intense and frequent as time passes. God, it felt good to get those thoughts off my chest. I still feel a bit disgusting, making these statements. Maybe I am. Who knows?

Addendum: If you are someone who is considering reporting, removing or deleting this post in order to “protect me” - I humbly ask you to understand that I am an adult individual, acting in sane mind and body, as I am asking for intimacy in the only way I can process and who are you to deny me that?