ETA: THIS IS REALLY LONG. For all of those who are as perplexed as I. I’m pretty sure the word date is the issue. I just had a very interesting exchange with a guy I hooked up with once. He’s been booty calling me ever since at very inconvenient times. I’m a mom and busy and usually can’t just hook up at the last minute like that. So apparently expecting a date is very off putting, even if I’m not looking for a boyfriend or a serious commitment. Here’s our exchange:

TG: And no hard feelings taken....Still down to connect but my day to day is all over the place and seems like you may want more connection? Our encounter was insanely hot!

Me: Since I’ve had this exact conversation before, I’m pretty sure I’m looking for the impossible. 😂

Baseline, I just want to have a lot of really good sex. But even though I’m horny like a guy, I’ve sort of got feelings like a girl. I find it very annoying.

I 100% am not looking for a boyfriend or trying to intertwine my life with anyone else.

But sex is so much better for me - more pleasurable, much better orgasms - when I know a person and feel really desired by them.

I find myself in a shitty position, honestly. Never-married younger guys like you think I’m asking for too much.

The older, divorced guys I’ve been seeing lately want to jump into a serious LTR.

Just to help me understand - going on a date before hooking up or planning a little in advance feels serious, right? Like a commitment? Or too much of a connection?

TG: Yeah, potentially....Probably too much for anyone you meet on Feeld....maybe not for other places like Bumble.

He then offered to come over and help me get off, but not cum himself. I know that sounds suspicious, like he was just trying to get through the door, but I kept putting stipulations on potential future interactions:

I’m ok with you cumming, but you’d have to do it in the sink. (I live in a studio.) He agreed.

I’d booty call only after a disappointing date with someone else. He agreed.

What if I did have sex with the guy, but it was bad sex and I wanted to redeem the night? He agreed.

He also agreed to never booty call me, just respond to my booty calls.

This guy will literally do ANYTHING other than go for a walk with me or maybe see a movie. 😂😭 I’m smart and fun and funny and not hideous and have a banging body, by the way. I’m only saying this in case any of you are thinking that one of my attributes might explain the situation. Not that it would be OK if it did!

I (F42) am totally confused by a series of dead ends on Feeld and Tinder too.

I’ll chat with a guy anywhere from 2 days to 2 weeks and they will express a lot of enthusiasm.

One guy asked me something like “what do I need to do to meet you?” My response to that was “ask me on a date”. And then he immediately disconnected. I connected with that guy on Tinder and a few days later he swiped on me on Feeld. Out of curiosity I also swiped. He sent me a message that was just an emoji 😘. No explanation for why he disconnected or what happened on Tinder. No info about why he was connecting with me again.

I chatted with another guy for a couple of weeks. We got to the point where we were talking about meeting. He asked “what sorts of things I like to do”. (And, no, this wasn’t the what kind of sex are you interested in question. We were making plans to meet up.) My response was something like “going out to drinks would work for me”. And he immediately disconnected.

Same story with another guy. We were to the point where we were picking a specific location for a casual dinner and then he disconnected.

These are all guys who swiped on me first, by the way. And who kept the conversation going by pursuing me.

Is this normal? I’m so confused at this point. These experiences and a bunch more make it seem like very few people actually want to meet in person.

Actually… I think I’ve just answered my own question. The only IRL experiences I’ve had recently were just hook ups, not dates.

Thoughts and perspectives would be much appreciated!