Hi. Short story. I am severely bummed due... a lot of things, really.

Cast:

The_Edgemeister- 5'8 210lbs. Not very happy.

Nana- 5'5 250lbs (and gaining). Stroke survivor who gave the fuck up and remains a wheelchair blob.

Papa- 5'7 190lbs. Old fisherman who looks like Santa. Rapidly losing weight from taking care of his wife (the aforementioned wheelchair blob), who is running him ragged.

Story:

be me

drop by the grandparents' place to visit

ask Papa if he'd be okay with me splitting all the firewood [with a maul, he can't afford an automatic splitter] he has while he's at work

Papa's back has been acting up, the answer is a resounding “Yes!”

Pops leaves to have a smoke outside

Nana does an exorcist head turn from her position at the kitchen table

”WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT? YOU ALREADY WORK YOURSELF TO DEATH.”

thank you grandma from hell I didn't want to hear from that ear anyway

explain that I want to just have something to do when I'm home/bored/whatever.

also that I want totally fucking ripped arms someday

”Ew, you'd look gross with muscle-y arms. You know that's just unhealthy, right?”

wat

”Muscular arms like that just are NOT healthy. They look gross! You look much nicer with a a little meat on you like now!”

muscle is meat? I don't even have fat arms? They're just really weak? How many drugs are you on?

”Besides you know you'll just get hurt easier with all that muscle and no padding to protect it!! People like us were made to be fat- just look at our body types!”*

nod slowly, ignore her, think about that new dog you've been planning on getting to pass the time

nana finally quiets

say bye, you have to leave, etc, and get while the getting is good

Papa comes back in, say bye, you love him, etc

get a “I love you too.” in return from the old bastard

heart grows three sizes

before the door closes, hear nana whining

”I'm huuuuuuuuungry~”

”Dear, we just had lunch- you had five slices of pizza-”

”Can I have some of your cookies?”

”[sigh] yeah.”

close door

feel such immense pity for Papa in that moment that you consider walking back in and smothering her with a pillow

feelsbadman

TL;DR I go ask permission to cut wood for Gramps, Nana reads me the riot act about how gross muscles are, I leave feeling pity for my favorite grandparent.

Her comments about muscles made me want to smack her a little, honestly. Never would, but that doesn't mean I can't think about it. Jesus, woman.

*the majority of my family seems to have an endomorph body type. apparently Nana thinks this means we're supposed to be fat. batty old bag.