I grew up like any ordinary kid and I was very privileged to make amazing friends and to have a great childhood. Growing up I knew my whole life I was attracted to bigger woman. As I got older around high school I was considered a cool kid and was in a friend group of a lot of people who got with skinny girls, and also who were very opinionated regarding ugly and fat woman. Therefor my whole life even till this day as much as I hate to say it, I’m ashamed of my self for liking them. I have gotten with many skinny girls tho never getting hard once. It’s like I have game to get woman but I was always too ashamed to get the once’s I really wanted. When I was 16 years old I met this girl who I would hangout and talk with all the time and we ended up getting very close as best friends and there was definitely sexual tension built up thought our long friend ship. I gw a couple times to like joke around and to just do it but for the most part our relationship never went passed this sexually bc she was a very skinny girl. This killed me mentally because I ended up loving this girl who I knew I could never be with in life. This wasn’t like I just liked her I was obsessed. I would wake up and think about her I would always be hype to hang with her and our dally FaceTimes, and everything in between. It’s like I’d take a bullet for her. As our friendship progressed I started to lose it and couldn’t handle being this close witj someone I loved and u started to be depressed. We continued to get closer and closer as best friends for another 12 months until I couldn’t handle it anymore anf lost it fully mentally, I felt so empty as a person and u wanted to tell this girl so bad that I loved her. One day during one of our hangouts at my crib when it was just us after a party chillin at my house were we’re both laying on a bed next to each other laughing and having the best night of my life when u just lost it. In my friend group at home we are all super super close and I could tell em anything ever, so I decided to tell my best friend we’ll call him Timmy. Timmy ended up helping me out a lot being a great friend who was always there for for me when I needed someone to mentally lose it to. Eventually it ended telling all my boys and at this point I felt suicidal in my life and just horrible about myself. My friend group ended up being my place of comfort when’re I could tell anything to. It got to a point where I told myself I shouldn’t hang with her anymore. My friends we’re encouraging it and u thought maybe this would help me de-attach from her because I loved her so much. So I ended up telling her one day how I really felt and how u was suicidal and how I couldn’t handle my life without explaining why to her in my room at my house on my bed when she started saying how she loved me and couldn’t live without me being beside her and she ended up leaving my house and that we’d prob the worst day of my life. I felt infinitely sad and gave up on life. I ended up telling her I liked fat gurls and bc I was so ashamed of myself I basically stoped hanging out with her slowly over time. She ended up dating one of my best friends 2 months prior to me stop talking to her and this was just the start of my mental problems. I couldn’t handle the fact that he could be with her knowing how I felt regarding the situation. Fast forward a year, I have finally fully gotten over this girl and think about her time to time but that’s it. We go to different schools now and live diffrent lives. Now I wanna make up for all that missed time in my life and to find a fat gurl who I can love and be loved by. But even in college I still struggle with my acceptance of liking fat girlS. My roomates also talk crap bout fat gurls and do not know u am only attracted to them, and it’s almost like in school away from my boys at home I have no one to confine to regarding me mentally and my life. So in my entire life even tho I prob could u never got with a fat girl that got me hard and I decided one day that I was. On a day close to break my roomate when home back to his state and I said fuck it, I’m going to a club and fucking a fat bitch. I thought this was gna be a piece of cake until I got into the bar and relised how ass it is to know no one in a bar by yourself. I talked to 2 woman I was attracted to and they both had boyfriends who were with them at the club I later found out😭. Of course only my fucking luck. After that I went to smoke a blunt with my boy and relised that while that night might not of been a win, it was a big step forward for my acceptance of myself.

Now that yall have heard my story u would really appreciate it other older men or people could give me some advice or advice on how to pull fat woman in a college seen, or just how to accept it or how other people like you guys did. I’m always looking to improve upon myself and to take risks but u thought I would ask this community for some help. If u interact with this post and actually read it, thank you, because this is my life and it’s not so often other people care about a random rediter.