...specifically (not exclusively) thin cishet male ones:

Just because a woman is close to you does not mean she is obligated to be your fantasy. Fat women do not owe you fatness. Not more, not less, not anywhere near your "ideal." Ever. At any point.

You do not live in a world that wishes death on you simply for living in a fat body. That every single move you make is a moral failing of yours no matter what it is. That believes they are the authority of your health and inherent value simply because your body has more fat than others.

Mix in the color of your skin, your abilities/disabilities/support needs, income level, sexuality, gender, nationality, ethnicity... you get the idea.

You don't live in that world. Fat people are constantly told how we are less-than, something to be derided and mocked. Diet culture is everywhere. We already live in a world that truly hates us. Even the most progressive, socialist, inclusive people have intense fatphobia burned into their psyche and it's a constant battle on a daily basis.

You know what else is toxic diet culture? Coming into fat "admirers" spaces and cheering on people with disgusting "just keep feedin' em!!" rhetoric.

Do you understand that fat people actually read this too? And so we come here and see "this fat person in my life would be better if they were fat in a different way." Because that is what you're saying.

The most fatphobic, misogynist, diet-obsessed people I have ever met are straight thin, mostly male "FAs." Every time. Every. Time.

If your partner is fat but not the right kind of fat for you, either get over it or break up with them. And after you break up with them, go talk to a therapist and work on your fatphobia. And learn how to talk to your partners about your kinks with sincere vulnerability. (this is a little old but I am working on more).

There is no "yeah, but!" No. Stop projecting your fantasies onto your partners. They don't owe you that. Having a fantasy or preference is fine. Everyone has those. The difference is that you fully expect every single fat person you find fuckable to meet that. That is not fine, ever. If you have a preference and you're choosing to be with someone who doesn't meet that, and you're so torn up about it that it's on your mind? Break up with them and find someone who meets your preference first.

It's either "I've noticed I've always been attracted to people more like X, but my partner is Y, and that's okay, I love them as they are, and it's great!" or nothing. Your fantasies have constraints. That's why they are fantasy. It's great IF they happen in real life but almost no one ever has those.

If you really want to have a conversation of "I really do love my partner as they are. At the same time, I want to open up to them about the details of my preferences and make sure I understand theirs simply to be vulnerable and open with them, not because I want or even hope or expect they'd meet those ideals," that is something we can work with. That is something that is healthy and sincere and acknowledges yourself and your partner as a person.

But not ever, EVER, your dissatisfaction with their fatness. Not EVER a "I love them, but..." because "but" negates it every time.

Your arousal and sexual needs are 100% on you to communicate healthfully to your partner. And it's never ever their responsibility to embody for you.

PS for all you butthurt wannabes commenting or cross posting this at your incel hives... I don't care. I'm right, you're wrong, I'm a lot smarter than you, and I've encountered MANY more of you than you ever have of me and hopefully ever will. The second you post a comment here disagreeing with me, and immediately resort to predictable logical fallacies and misogyny, the more you are announcing to other fat people here how much you hate them and don't deserve them. There is no in-between, hope that helps!

Now, if you have sincere questions for clarity and can talk like a grownup, we can cover that. But otherwise, nahhhhh