A little background. Wife’s parents are divorced. Her mom cheated and remarried with the guy she cheated with. Her dad took it hard but remarried briefly before his second wife left him for another woman. He has spiraled since. He has multiple degrees and licenses in a field that pays well. He chooses not to work in that field anymore. Currently working at a job that pays $15/hr. I don’t disagree with his decision to not do anything overly stressful given his fragile mental state.

My issue comes with the prices of everything going up, we’ve had to tailor our budget to accommodate things. He doesn’t know how to budget and if his choice is between a pint of whiskey or anything remotely responsible, he’s choosing the whiskey. This puts a pick on us because he refuses the long term solutions we offer but is constantly short money for bills and groceries.

My wife came to me today to relay she would be paying his electric bill of $120 so he can keep his house cool in the heat. I’m not against that. When I asked why he was short the explanation was that he had gone to a distant relative’s wedding and bought a gift over $100. Some of that is manipulation on his part. Yes, this person got married. No, he was not in attendance. He has excuses like this to cover his drinking.

From June to now we have helped with about $500 in bills for him. He promises to pay us back, but I don’t want him to. He’d be paying us with borrowed money. I know he used to understand a budget but he’s becoming more reliant on us. We’ve offered to help manage his finances or move him to rent controlled housing. He is “too proud for charity.”

My wife and I don’t fight about helping him, it’s her dad and I will respect her decisions. I’m just looking for better ways for her to understand that he’s never going to stop. I’m grateful that she includes me in letting me know she’s helping. I just need to help her get to the point where she say enough. I’m sad because I see her frustration and disappointment with the man that raised her. I want to do it myself but I know that’s not a line I want to cross with her. I’m at a loss.