So. My family is so ducked up. Little did I know how much.

My grandfather died around 6 months ago. My grandfather and grandmother were important to me I spent half my childhood with them, they raised me more than my parents. I hate to admit but they did spoil me and I was a bit of a favourite. But I digress.

My grandfather had dementia and I hadn’t visited him for two years between kids and Covid and him having no recollection of any of us anymore I didn’t want to upset him and I didn’t think I could take that heartache.

He started deteriorating and I thought about going down but my uncle who was the POA/guardian discouraged it and kept family informed. The end of the week I called again and said I wanted to come down I needed to say goodbye and the small FaceTime didn’t give me closure. I thought even if I could sit and hold his hand or get everyone coffee and run errands be helpful if would help my grieving process. It was discouraged but in the end he said if it’s what you need then come no kids (agree) you must be fully vaxxed (I am) and be in full PPE (I worked as a nurse so I am fine with this) so I drive the 6 hours.

I arrived at my cousins house and didn’t hear anything and planned to visit the next morning.

We got the call that morning that he passed away at 11pm I didn’t arrive at my cousins until 12am.

I missed him but I tried. I spent some time with my cousin we went to visit the next morning and say goodbye to his body but we arrived and he was already taken we saw our uncle and he was upset and he was meeting my other uncles to talk about next steps. We left. I spent a few days with my cousin and then returned home. The funeral was arranged two weeks later I was anxious and felt useless so I went to my cousins again 5 days before the funeral. Home life is complicated and I’m single mumming it with 4 kids right now. I was alone and grieving so I stayed with her to help with feeling that way.

I had a phone call from uncle to ask where a possession was I hadn’t seen nice before nursing home days.

Fast forward to yesterday.

I found out that my other uncle (number3) was told that I went down and was ordering the nurses around on his death bed, that I was taking over, that I was trying to do their job and I was kicked out of the hospital. Then I was told I was trying to arrange the funeral myself.

I cried for hours yesterday and today. What kind of person says this. I am so gutted and horrified a FAMILY MEMBER would say this.

I hate conflict and I don’t think I could cope with further fall out or aggression from them. But this isn’t right. And my cousin and sisters know the truth and are just as gobsmacked.

I spoke to uncle 2 and he said he isn’t shocked because of things previously happened within the family. But I should try and work past it and not let it worry me because I know the truth.

But the truth is it’s eating me alive.

What’s worse is I found out from my husband who is basically besties with uncle 3 and we are just back together after being separated for so long (extenuating circumstances) and I got the impression he didn’t correct this tale. He only informed me yesterday as to why the uncle 3 has had abusive and tempered short talk only. I don’t feel he defended me or even let them know what happened (the truth) because I ad messaged him the times I went down and informed him what happened. So he knew the truth.

How do I begin to even deal with this?

I feel like cutting uncle 3 out of mine/my children’s lives for one. But reddit what do I do.