So what I'm about to share is a very, very long story so I'll try to shorten it without leaving out too much info for better context of the situation.

My fiance, we've been together for 3 years, is currently in basic training. There were a few rough patches before he left, partly due to the fact that he wanted to get married before leaving. I love him to death and I know he wanted to get married to get the benefits started but I didn't want to base our marriage off of benefits. I know it won't be and I know he wants to do his best to help us. When I asked why he joined, he said one of the main reasons is to provide more for us and to take care of me, which I'm grateful for but I never wanted him to feel like it was all on his shoulders. That's why we planned to move out towards the end of the year and why I'm on college, to be independent, have stability and create my identity.

Now for background info, my fiance and I have been living with my sister and her fiance along with our younger brother; our brother has Autism. Our mother lost the house due to her opioid addiction and we found a place for us to rent together. Our dad left the state the summer before my senior year of high school. So as always my sister and i pick up the pieces and make sure our brother is taken care of. We all have been living together for almost 3 years. Since we've moved into our most recent house, it has been a shit show. 100% of the drama that occurs in the house is due to her fiances family and they don't even live or pay any bills here! Surprisingly after a year of being here they've calmed down but my fiance and I are tired of it. Also I need the ability to live my life and grow as an individual. Having to hold back and set aside my needs and wants is getting tiresome. I barely even want to have children of my own because ive been a parent to my own brother. I don't feel comfortable where I'm at now, I feel like I'm only here because it is convenient, I don't feel appreciated at all. I know my sister wants to keep the family together, or what little we have left but I need room to breathe. Also when I was 16 her fiance offered oral sex to me, I know I should have told her but I also knew she wouldn't have believed me especially given that he is her first everything. I still feel uncomfortable around him at times.

My sister cares and trys her best. She wants to buy a house and move down to Texas, that's where we used to live before pcsing to Washington state. I understand the position she was put in, we both had to endure the chaos that was our family these last few years, well since I was in the 8th grade really. However, her goals and mine don't align and I don't feel like compromising those for anyone else anymore.

My fiance and I just want some peace and the ability to deal with our own problems, in peace without hearing people argue in the next room. We had a plan to move out towards the end of the year but he didn't want to wait. He was even going to school, he had started his first quarter. I asked him to consider the reserves because he could go to school and when he's done move on to active duty but with him being so stubborn he went active.

It's not that I never wanted him to join, my father served 22 years and I want to join as well. I'll support him for however long his career will be but now I'm trying to figure out how do I move on and start my own family. Not that it'll include children right away, but just my fiance and I.

When we get married he will be my priority and my family as well, I just don't want my sister thinking I've chosen him over them. But also I need to make decisions for myself. Just about every decision I've made has always needed me to make sure I'm available for other people. I'm tired of always being available. My sister sometimes acts as if she takes care of our brother on her own but that is far from the truth. We've both had to do the same and yet I don't think she really appreciates it, at least she won't until I move with my fiance.

I'm not sure if many of you are familiar with this term but enmeshment is the term I'd use to describe my family. There is no boundaries and if you deviate from their mean then you're an oddball.

I know I said I'd try to keep it short and this isn't even half of it. I want and going to move with my fiance after I've graduated and we are married. He's getting deployed after OSUT, so I'm thinking it'll be best to get married after and itll keep some stress away from having to worry about doing before he leaves.

I appreciate anyone that takes the time to read this, advice is greatly appreciated.