I don't know why, but I want to put this somewhere. It's been on my mind a lot, when we were growing up. Our mother wasn't the best. By no means was she horrible, but she spent more time focusing whatever time she had on the man in her life after she divorced our father. Things got especially bad with her second husband who I won't mention for obvious reasons. But she was married to him for 6 years, and never seemed to care. She even kicked me out to live with my dad, her only son. The man was verbally abusive and controlling. I was a very weak child, I got scared a lot, and was super emotional. I had anger issues, and tried to surpress a lot of things. It's something that followed me into adulthood and something I still struggle with. But to get to the point, at that time, my sister, who was two years older than me, sort of became a mother figure. We were super close, if I got scared at night, (which happened a lot) I would go into her room and sleep at the foot of her bed. Knowing I could feel safe, I have a very specific memory of hanging out at a friend's house. And something in me just snapped, I broke down into tears and she held me in her arms and comforted me. Even as we got older we stayed close, she would take me on drives and we'd just hang out. I don't know what happened since then, I can't even give her a hug without her judging me. It's somewhat playful, but hurts. So when she does realize somethings wrong and comes back to talk, I refuse out of shame or something. It's like she doesn't remember. But she did a lot for me growing up, and I love her for it. I just wish I could say thanks without it being weird. I love you sis, thank you for being there for me. Even when our parents weren't