I have a bitter-sweet relationship with TRP . I learned a lot on that forum I learned how to dress, how to carry myself with confidence, how to flirt, message women for dates, and of course get laid. I found TRP after being cheated on twice and doing everything every woman told me I should do to earn a awomans attention growing up which came back and blew up in my face. When i needed some guidance as a confused and frustrated 20-year-old the men of TPR were there.

I just turned 31 this year and as I look back on my late 20's TRP was a core part of my life at that time I read my bible and TRP and honestly, that's all I felt I needed.

Looking back though and really being mindfucked how much my mind has changed in a little over 5 years and I feel like TRP was valuable for me at that point in my life but I think to embrace TRP based on who i am today would be childish.

I look and think about some of my strategies to get laid and date women and I don't feel great and honestly, I imagine some of those women felt worse ( though some of them were pretty awful themselves but not all of them were) . There were women who I hung out with in my TRP heyday who loved the vision of the man I was but i vividly remember a time when I felt like a Living and breathing dildo and nothing more . I used to really take pride and joy in being some womans fantasy escape , the idea she'd go to work and just think about my dick all day of course made me feel fucking fantastic and yet the profound quiet and empty after you've fucked and sent away multiple people who honestly ONLY value your dick. They don't care about you or anything that happens to you when they're not horny . The idea that I was only worth being a hard cock really hurt me honestly .

I went from feeling useless because I wasn't enough for the woman I loved and she cheated on me twice to feeling useless because all I was good for was being some horny random womans Wednesday night date for a few months and nothing more. So strange to see both sides of the mirror but i think it's why i feel so conflcied now.

It's such a weird dichotomy to claim I was this strong alpha of a man who didn't give a flying fuck what anyone thought but then I'd be demoralized when a fuckbuddy didn't make time for me . I'd call other men bitches and cowards for wanting to share their emotions with the women in their lives but then I'd fucked all these chicks and it felt like I was compensating for my lack of emotional intimacy by replacing it with a really intense physical intimacy . I can't tell you I like you deeply ( that's a beta move) so let me fuck you so hard we share the warm and fuzzies and then never actually share a part of ourselves as humans struggling to make it day by day like every other human on this rock .

It's so hard because there are core aspects of the man I am today that I never could have reached without TRP. TRP helped me mend my relationship with my father, TRP helped me to stop being a coward and afraid of women, TPR helped me to take responsibility for my life, my health, my job salary, and the type of work I did , TRP helped me learn how to establish boundaries . As far as empowering myself I think TRP taught me a ton of tools to make my life better for me as an individual and tools I think will be useful for the rest of my life .

I'm in a relationship now ( here goes the blue pill alert right ?) and 31 year old me now and 25 year old me when I first found TRP are at a crossroads.

I respect her , I love her, I value her mind she's one of the most intelligent, sarcastic, and funny lovable assholes I've ever met man or woman. 25 year old me would say she's a good fuck and a plate worth spinning, and that me getting invested in this woman would have been an utter mistake . I know how 25 year old me would treat her and it kind of hurts that I can see me being the one to ruin this woman, the alpha widower or what have you . I very clearly see how I could shatter this woman and It terrifies me because that's the last thing I want to do to her. She desves kindness and i'd like to give her kindness.

It's just so crazy to me how much I've changed in so little time and what seemed important no longer is.

Yet I'm a little older now, I'm a little more experienced, I was the nervous beta bitch turned Alpha poster boy turned some older dude who honestly doesn't give a fuck about either title anymore , I'm a fucking man point blank period some time I like to lead other times I like to follow and that's alright with me because I'm smart enough to know when I'm the smartest man in the room and when i can relax and let someone else who is also smart and capable take the rigns.

I love my strength and confidence, I also love getting high with a woman I love a and laughing about stupid shit as we watch reality tv together and I don't feel like less of a man for it . I'd love to have a kid with this girl , hell I hate the legal application of marriage but don't mind the idea of spending the rest of my life with this woman.

I don't know man I think it's gonna take me a lifetime to resolve my feelings about TRP because there is stuff TRP taught me about women I totally disagree with and then there are little nuggets TRP taught me that have been true in every single relationship I've had including this current one.

If I can say TRP taught me any lasting message that extends beyond the alpha - beta mindset bullshit it's that complacency is your enemy, if you want good love you're gonna bust your ass to find and maintain it and it shouldn't bjuste you putting in the work the woman you're with should be putting in time an energy as well.

You want to get paid more? Prepare to bust your ass and make people want to give you that cash . You want better relationships? Get ready to put the time into understanding yourself and therefore understand and set the expectations for how you will be treated and respected . You want more girls then dress better, learn to like yourself, become someone that ou like and believe in so that others like and believe in you too. IF tRP taught me anything it's that we limit ourselves and we are our own biggest obstacles to satisfying and living our dreams.

TRP isn't perfect and neither am I and I won't be going back to that forum. For a young confused man who had the shittiest luck dating in my early 20's, to a fuckboy with TRP in my late 20's, to this older simpler man as I enter my 30's . It's been interesting to see how a mindset could alter my life so substantially .

I don't regret my time learning from TRP but I do wish I could have gone back and dialed down my rage towards women a few notches. It's amazing how in one hand I could complain women and their sexuality were the bane and destruction of society and yet in the other hand tell you my mission with TRP was to get laid and get laid excessively. I fucked a lot of women i considered sluts but never gave much thought to the fact that i was perpetuating the very cock carousel I was claiming defiled and ruined women . What a hypocritical fuckwad i was !

It was ass backwards to both rail against society being poisoned and yet be a big part of the poisoning of society myself. I feel like I developed a some narcissistic tendencies by embracing TRP which I guess makes sense since developing dark triad skills was so coveted but I think those tendencies are just as much chains to being your best self as living a life of constant fear of failure which TRP actively and rightfully discourages.

Anyway just venting , never thought i'd consider myself an EX-TRPer but here I am . Thankful for the good TRP left me with trying to fix and work through the bad and more jaded aspects of it I embraced. Still striving to be the best man I can be and hope you are too .