I've recently been dumped by my girlfriend, and I can't but blame myself for some of the things she told me when breaking up. Bear in mind that my ex is German and of Russian descent (also pro-Ukraine, just to dot the "I"s), ridiculously well taught with a BA in Philosophy, too, the fact here being that her social background has uprooted the cancer of religion at a higher level, her parents were not religious at all. When we met we talked about beliefs, and she told me she was a virtue ethicist. I asked my godless self if it made sense, and I picked it as my new moral compass, and I think I did that 'cause I missed something nice to believe in, instead of being a cynical skeptic. I became vegan inspired by her, cause it makes fucking sense and it's a huge fuck you to the anthropocentrism of Islam and all those other fucked up cults, I like the environment and I hate the cruelty of halal butchering. Anyhoo, the reason behind the breakup: I'm neuro divergent, kind of an ace, and extremely awkward around acting in a flirty way. I've been seemingly unresponsive to her signals, and I fucking hate myself for it, I tried to find an answer for it, and being raised in a religious household is part of it. I had to be closeted my whole life about not believing the religious bs, but knowing that I couldn't be in a healthy relationship with an interested partner if she wasn't a Muslim, I shunned off my ability to perceive attraction directed towards me, and to an extent is also due to being on the goddamn spectrum. But I've got my opinions, and I found the mysoginy embedded within Islam grotesque and horrifying, but somehow I accepted to let the world happen to me until I realized that I could've just said no a long tIme ago. My parents are now aware that I don't believe in any religion, but I feel like I've been heavily impacted already, and I hate how miserable it has made me. I hate being this broken. But I also don't want to be alone... And I know now that it is possible to meet a virtuous person that has no god. I wish it didn't matter as much but it does. I still want to find a partner that can accept me for who I am, that can understand that I'm romantically lagging behind because of the crap I've been put through.