Life would be so much easier if I believed in Islam, I wouldn't have to constantly think about pretending to be Muslim and the ramifications of my family and the Muslim community potentially finding out I'm not Muslim.

I wish we could just be honest and open about leaving Islam without receiving backlash, but unfortunately that's not the world we live in. I wish the world was a more tolerant and accepting place where you were judged by your actions and not your faith or lack of faith. There are men within the Muslim community who will sexually and physically abuse children who will be protected, yet as soon as someone is Queer, Ex-Muslim or a woman is found to be drinking alcohol/wearing 'revealing' clothing they're beaten, disowned and even honour killed.

Why am I made to feel like a terrible person for things like not being a virgin and drinking alcohol, yet abusive men in my family aren't? My sister once said I should be lucky my mum didn't tell my dad about what I've been doing because he would have murdered me, when he's literally been an abusive asshole our entire life. Yes my actions might not be the most Islamic but I'm not hurting anyone, whilst these abusive men are, and continually get away with it!!

I hate having to keep up this Muslim charade, I hate how it impacts almost every aspect of my life, I hate having to live with the fear of a family member potentially finding out I'm not Muslim, it would be so much easier if I just believed in Islam, ignorance is bliss. I wish I could just live my life without the fear, and guilt from how my family would probably react.