I talk to my Grandma on the phone every night. She's 91 and we have a great friendship. I have been out of the church since I was 19. I'm 34 now, so you can do the math.

Last night she asked me what I DO believe, and the truth is that I don't know. I logically believe we're just a blip in the universe, we should be kind and good because it's the best for us and our species, and that when I die, I'll just be gone. And that's ok with me, except, I WANT to believe that prayer helps and that my dead relatives and pets are in heaven. So I kind of LET myself just believe those things.

So I'm fumbling around and she's asking me do I believe in God and I say yes and she asks if I believe in heaven and it comes out as a yes (after some conversation) so she says she wants to ask me if I believe that Jesus is the son of God, but we're out of time, so tomorrow.

I want to ask HER some questions, but I don't want to turn this into a debate or something nasty. I like what I have with her. I'm not afraid to tell her what I believe but I don't know on some of these things (a lot of these things!) And that's what I DON'T want to tell her.

I believe Jesus is the son of God just like the rest of us are "his children" but don't believe in Mormon God. See. I am SO all over the place. It's ok with me, but how do I defend what I don't know? The church is wrong. I'm not interested in proving that to my Grandma, but ai don't want to look like I don't have my sh*t together either. Even though I don't, and that's FINE with me. I'm absolutely ok with not knowing everything and using some religious things as crutches.

Help!!