I’m embarrassed to talk about this but not sure where else could really understand.

I was caught masturbating by my Mormon father when I was 12. I was taken to the bishop and would see him every few weeks until I was 18 and stopped giving a shit. I think that might have caused long lasting damage however.

I have up to this point identified as asexual since I never feel well horny basically ever since then. I’m now 29 realizing there might be more to the puzzle.

Long story short I’ve found I only really feel sexual arousal if I replicate the conditions in which I was told to never have an orgasm.

It’s peculiar and I don’t know what to do about it and I’m frankly overwhelmed about it.

Anyone else experience something like this and if you did can you tell me what helped?