Throwaway since my family watches my socials

My Mormon family are….a lot. I was raised in a not safe home and I’ve struggled to connect with them over the years. The last few years have been particularly difficult.

Despite my family claiming they want to be in contact with me they don’t know what a family is supposed to. My family is like a cult where bad things happen and bad feelings happen but you aren’t allowed to talk about it. They talk big about how much they believe in the church and look down at me for not being part of it but they’re not Christlike at all.

I’ve had severe challenges the last few years and they haven’t shown up. I’m just not a priority at all to them. I wasn’t even a priority during the holiday season this last year which was real shit.

I don’t know what to think. I still have siblings at home I care about but my family doesn’t engender much wanting to interact with them despite me trying to do so. There’s little more that I want than their love but I don’t know if they are capable of it.

I don’t know the point of posting this but it’s been on my mind and I’ve been real sad about it