How is everybody doing! And let me just say, I haven't been this nervous since entering a local Teen Idol singing competition (I was robbed I swar LOL). I have been lurking in this subreddit for almost a year now building up the courage to finally introduce myself to this community. After some life events and some self reflection, I am finally at a place where I know that I have nothing to worry about. Realistically I have been ready for quite some time, but it's hard when you're a Gemini with both introverted/extroverted qualities. So let's just jump right in.

I'm a 30 yr old male who is looking for new relationships and friendships in this new beginning. I was not a born-in, I was moreso a... Dr. K being abducted by alphabet soup and having everything he was interested and loved stripped from him. And for those who did not get the Power Rangers RPM reference (seriosuly watch that season, it deserves it's recognition as good television outside of the dumpster fire that is Power Rangers,) I was a young, energetic kid who was interested in a bunch of stuff. Then a wonderous thing popped of in America... Pokémon. I was obsessed, which to JW's mean possessed, like a kid on pixie stick withdrawal looking for the nearest rock to throw at a squirrel. I had the games, cards, saw the movie, and had a Pikachu hat my uncle got for me. Then Pokémon panic happened. Christians of all denominations was calling their clergy because of it's Japanese influences, and the psychics and the ghosts, and THE SATANS! Mom got word from her cousin about all the stuff in Pokémon mom was not having it. So while I was busy being a9 year old philospher pointing out the contradiction between her fear of Pokémon and her acceptance of Bedknobs and Broomsticks, Mom was busy being mom and throwing little Pikachu to the mouse trap.

That wasn't what got me into JWs though, that was the prelude. It wasn't until I got into Dragon Ball Z and other anime that my mother made me start studying with my grandfather. See, My mother was a POMI. She always felt the JWs was "The Truth," but knew she couldn't live up to it at the time in her life because she, as she says it, wanted to do "what the hell she wanted to do." Most of my extended family are Dubz, my aunts being believers and my uncles not wanting any part of it. My upbringing was kind of like being in purgatory. Didn't go to meetings, didn't even know what a Dub was. Just knew that for some reason I could go to birthday parties but could never celebrate my own. Once I started studying with Grandpa, my mother started sitting in. Even as a Kid, I knew that this was something I did not want to do. Grandpa knew as well, because I clearly was not studying the literature. He told me that I should talk to my mom and let him know that I didn't want to do it. I told my mom many times that I did not want to like Penny avoiding a iron, but she was not having it. After a while I started going to meetings with grandpa, then she started sitting in on my studies. Then she started going to meetings and eventually got baptised.

Me on the other hand, I never fully took, it was moreso like a resignation of fate. Having no control of the situation, I tried to make due. I was never a trouble maker, so I naturally took to a lot of the teachings because I did so naturally already. I did have questions about things, but just like all of you, I was a victim of the "Push doubts out of your mind" mentality. And any thought coming close to being blasphemous was immediately "corrected." Every passion that I had was stripped. I wasn't allowed to have any extracurriculars. Theatre, School Choirs, anything that would be spiritually distracting. And of course, with all of the studying and dealing with ADHD that was never properly treated and also being severely depressed, I did not have the energy or focus to excel in school like I would have liked. I always excelled in writing, literature, performance and public speaking, so I was always approached for ministerial pursuits. The constant wondering about getting baptised, doing more in service, going to bethel. The amount of dodging I did would make Piccolo proud, but after dealing with a stagnant job market and having to attend meetings, work part time, and going to community college I made a decision I wish could reverse. I stepped attending college, and tried to work my way up in an economic society that had vastly changed from our grandparents day of buying a home on a single income.

It wasn't until years later, maybe 27 or 28 where I had had enough. I was tired of the depression, I was tired of being blamed for not being attentive in the kingdom hall, and I started to fade. I stopped reading the watchtower beforehand and only read it at the meetings, I stopped reading my bible, and I noticed that I was actually feeling positive, constant prodding about my spiritual staus aside. My mom had been asking for years why I was still going to meetings if I wasn't doing anything with it, and one day I got tired of it and just told her that I was taking some time away. My true test was going to an assembly as the series finale of that stage of life. I think it was 2018, but at this point I had grown a beard, and was not shaving it. I was surprised by how many people took to me having one positively. I even had one sister say she loved dudes with beards. But what really sealed the deal was hearing how we had been here for 6000 years despite massive amounts of evidence to the contrary, and this one presentation where this families non-believing brother came to visit and was talking about a job to his nephew and got him interested in it. Then the mom took her brother outside and was like "I don't want you influencing my son" or something to that degree. Eyes rolled so much they could be wheels for cars. Then another video came on, and it was about this kid who didn't want to go to the meetings anymore. So the parent is asking why he doesn't want to go, and he just gives a non-descript answer. Then the parent is trying to elicit positive emotions relating to the kingdom hall trying to brain wash him into changing his mind. At the end of the chat, he was like "So i'll see you in the car?" At that point I was very aware about emotional manipulation, and I said on that day, "I am never coming back."

Ever since then, I have been making strides. I got my certification in IT, and am at a job where I enjoy the people I work with and they know about my situation. It's a shame that I am going to have to leave, because they are not paying me enough for everything that I am doing, because I would like for it to be my forever job. I have had a lot of positive experiences with them, and they have played a huge part in embracing my true self. Even still though, I want to connect with people that truly get it. I am currently saving on being able to be out on my own for the first time, as I am still living at home in an area where rent is not cheap, and although I am debt free, I want to be in the position where I can leave in style and never come back. I also have an older sister, who saw through the BS and she played a huge part in my breaking free, and I am eternally grateful to her. But more than anything I want to connect with people. I am naturally gregarious and social, so not being able to do stuff with people I once considered friends is hard, but I do make friends easy so I am putting myself out there. I personally can't wait until the time we can stop hiding behind trees when someone sneezes, but until then, shoot me a message. As far as interests goes, I am a film, music, gaming, tv enthusiasts that works out 6 times a week gaining his confidence back. I also love writing, singing and would love to become a screenwriter or an author. I would love to get to know you all and and celebrate life now together.