Before I was born. My mom and everyone believed that I was going to be a girl because of how I was laying in position in my mom’s tummy. My sister hated this idea and told my mom all the time she was going to throw me away. When I was born of course, I came out male. Deep down I think my sister wanted a sister. She would always dress me up, put makeup on me and call me Jazmin. We shared the same room. This continued till I was 9 behind closed doors. I picked up so many feminine things because of this. Slowly I am loosing those traits that I picked up. But in the mix of all this. My brothers were “worldly”, my sister would always tell me “you have to do everything I do so you don’t end up like them”. That made me feel like I had to ignore my masculinity because it was bad. In a Hispanic house hold the women always did the cooking and cleaning and what not, so I did everything in that house from an early age. When I turned 10 or 12 my dad had a stroke all my family went to a bigger city with better doctors to take care of him. My mom was going to stay to take care of me but my brother who left for some bad reason showed up and I was left with my brother. it was just “convenient” for my mom to just leave me For him to take care of me and take me to school. Well I don’t remember going to school but I remember being molested by my brother constantly and his friends and so many other random memories that don’t even appear to be mine. 12-16 is completely a blur. Just all of a sudden my family was back home and my dad recovering home. Then it completely was normal again. As if everything was a dream. Finally I was able to muster the courage to tell my mom what happened, she laughed at me and told me I was stupid to think my brother would do such a thing. My sister got Married and my brother moved into my room. And again those things began to happen again. I again mustered up the courage and told the elders what had happened and they told me that sky daddy will take care of it. And read some scriptures to me and took me to get some fucking McDonald’s. To my dismay the police were at my house. My brother was in handcuffs. When I tell you. This weight was lifted off of me. I really thought sky daddy did this. No he was being arrested for fraud. But aye he was still out of my area. From here on I felt lonely and alienated. I told the elders again how I was feeling but they just told me to read the Bible and get to know sky daddy. There was a witness boy who always gave me a lot of attention. We ended up being together in secret he was the main elder who did “everything”, son. There was this girl he and I would get with to. I was confused but felt like everything was normal. Then I realized that my brother and his friends molesting me was the wound that hadn’t been healed yet that’s why it felt normal to me. I told the elders and they didn’t believe me. His dad said “my son would never”. I was cast out and told to be away from everyone. The next meeting they “disfellowshipped” me? I wasn’t baptized but it was said to not converse with me. to this day am confused about how everything was played out. Everything seems like a lie or fever dream. I moved across country with my bf and my sister is tryin got get a hold of me. Im 21 now. I don’t want to know what is going on I’ve been ignored when I needed someone the most. I could have turned out so much better I constantly need attention now I have so much insecurities. I don’t think that life has much to offer me anymore. I’m sorry if I posted this on the wrong sub. My sister triggered me and I just had to calm down.