From My Mother last night:

Dear _____. When I told my brother why you don’t talk to me, he said that you are directing your anger at the wrong person, that the person you should be mad at is your mom, who did not protect you. She as your mom owe you that, specially when you did not ask to be born. And that he remembered me being always there for you. And that I was always overprotective of you guys. And he also remembered all the sacrifices I made for you. I never asked for money or anything in returned. What bothers me the most is that you have made others think that I am this evil person towards you. I know I am not perfect, but you have to recognized you are not the perfect father, either. I know you love your kids and do lots of sacrifice for them, but I’m sure that you have made your share of mistakes, too. And will keep making them. I did the best under my circumstances and I don’t feel any guilt because I always wanted the best for you guys. And I never put myself first. My family was the most important to me. Thank you for discrediting me in front of everybody. You don’t care because you hid and don’t have to face the people we both know. Anyway, since YOU don’t want to talk to ME and did not have the COURAGE to tell me personally, I will respect your wishes. Always remember that it was not ME. And I needed to say this. When **** relayed your message, I apologized for being insensitive. What else you want me to do? Tell me. Anyway, whenever you are ready to let me know what else I can do, I’m here. YOU ARE ALWAYS WELCOME.

My Response,

Hello,

This will be the Only and LAST time you hear from me. I wanted to clear some misconceptions up so that maybe you can find some peace.

1. He said that you are directing your anger at the wrong person, that the person you should be mad at is your mom, who did not protect you. She as your mom owes you that, especially when you did not ask to be born. I told you this in confidence and did not want anyone else knowing about the physical and sexual abuse I went through as a kid. It’s beside the point now.

I do not look to her for anything. Did she set me up with a terrible hand? Yes! Did she do what she was supposed to do as a mother? No! I have not spoken or seen her since ### was born. I had anger towards her but realized holding on to it was causing me a lot of issues. I have since moved on. I also do not have Anger towards you are anyone in my past. I am not angry. It is actually the opposite. I am at a place of peace and understanding. We all make choices in our lives and they have consequences whether good or bad. I understand that because I do not participate in being a Jehovah Witness that things have changed. I understand that any love from JW’s is conditional. It is not unconditional. I am not interested in that type of love and association. I have to respect myself enough to say “I deserve peace” and walk away from the people or things that prevent me from attaining it.

2 And that he remembered me being always there for you. And that I was always overprotective of you guys. And he also remembered all the sacrifices I made for you. I never asked for money or anything in return.

I will forever be grateful for this. I understand you didn’t sign up to raise us but, you did it and you did your best. You should be proud of that.

3 What bothers me the most is that you have made others (#### and all her family and her friends and my family) think that I am this evil person towards you.

I have not painted this picture. If you feel it has been painted that way, it may be your point of view. I have not had any contact with #### family for even longer than you guys. I have moved on. I do not speak ill of any of you guys because I do not have contact with anyone that is a JW. If I am not talking to anyone who is a JW that leaves no one else to talk to. I do not talk about you and the family to #### for the simple fact that she knows I will not go into or discuss anything.

4 YOU don’t want to talk to ME and did not have the COURAGE to tell me personally, I will respect your wishes.

I would very much disagree. I have a lot of Courage.

· I have the courage to walk away from something I knew my whole life.

· I have the courage to stand for what is right.

· I have the courage to face this world on my own.

· I have the courage to fight the feelings of Suicide.

· I have the courage to seek help for my Mental Health.

· I have the courage to walk away from everything even though I still wanted to hold on to it, no matter how toxic it was.

· I have the courage to move and start over.

· I have the courage to live my life the best way I can.

Since I have left the kingdom hall I have been nothing but “un-officially shunned” by everyone. You may not see it that way but it is the truth. That same attitude has trickled down to #### and the Kids. Unfortunately, you and the family have put religion over everything. This is your choice and I respect it. You have chosen to give conditional love. If I was tattooed up and celebrating birthdays we would not be having this conversation. I know this for a fact because this is what happened to !!!! He was shunned for a mistake he made at 18yrs. He was thrown into the world after being sheltered his whole life. Everyone choose this behavior because they were told to. I have called him and personally apologized for that behavior.

Why doesn’t this type of thinking apply to your brother? He knows what the “bible” says and he still chooses to celebrate holidays, birthdays, smoke, gamble etc. Why haven’t you cut him off like you did !!!!? It’s not just you, unfortunately. I have gotten the same attitude from the %%%%’s as well. They also still have their son over who is covered in Tattoos, stolen from them, done Drugs, and has a bunch of kids he doesn’t take care of. Why is the love to Non-Witness family members unconditional but Conditional for a family who are JW’s? It just doesn’t make any sense to me. There are many other things but I will not go into as they have already been expressed.

Here is where I am at...

I am have made the choice to move on and live my life in peace. I will not continue to carry anger and frustrations. What does this mean? I will not attend any Family events. I will not attend Weddings, Family get-togethers, Funerals etc. I have moved on. It may come off as Anger but I promise you it is not. If it was out of anger I would not let the kids visit you guys. That has never been the case. I would caution you to not do anything that will put that in Jeopardy. I am at peace and will not do anything to disturb that peace. We all make choices. I am choosing NOT to go to a place that will put me in bad shape mentally. I respect your choice to continue to be a Jehovah Witness. I am not asking you to choose as I already know what the answer is. I expect you to respect my decisions just like I am doing with you and #### etc.