I know I haven't been out long. DF 5 months ago. But saw a post of my family taking my parents out to an anniversary party at a wine Vinyard.

All happy smiles from everyone and I know my parents miss me. I'm their only child but seeing their life without me struck me hard.

I've been strong this whole time, going to meetings but not sure if elders will let me back per last visit even giving them the best answers. I've had fun hooking up with women and sleeping around but just a photo makes me angry and sad.

This cult has broken my family, I've woken up but have to see them blinded while also taking the abuse of shunning.

I'm venting but also kinda thinking of some crazy stuff I could do. Not planning on it but like smear my blood on the hall doors or something idk. I'm probably close to reinstatement but this hurts and I haven't felt this yet