I and my siblings grew up in a very religious household, religious to the point of trauma. While I don't hate god, or Christianity now. Violence was perpetrated against both me and my siblings in the name Christianity, and it was used as a tool of control and emotional manipulation for a very narcissistic and emotionally insecure parent.

I and all my siblings have now found ways to reconcile with Christianity whether that be finding different sects, or for me giving up the concept of a Christian god altogether.

But this parent is now navigating varying degrees of no-contact from all of us, and, honestly, I feel bad. Because this person is so blinded by religion to see how she hurt us, and why we would go to such extreme measures to have her and her ideology of god out of her lives. But more so, she cannot even see how her own violent, oppressive, self-deprecating take on religion hurts her, has left her in bondage, and alienated everyone around her. She was so preoccupied with living a life for God, dubiously and with many double-standards, that she in many ways didn't live a life worth living and she imposed that standard on everyone around her. I don't think even a Christian god would've wanted that.

And I want her to reform, so we can be one family unit again under better terms. I dream of that day, even if it may be naive, exhausting, and harmful. I am just struggling to find the words that would get through to her.

I understand that this religion is literally built on these conceptions of violence, self-oppression, and self-depreciation, and self-hatred, but there's some good in it (little) and it is a valid emotional/rational crutch that many people require for the bs of daily life. Especially if they were not raised to believe in their own ability to face it.

So I want to talk to her in her own language, I've just been away from Church so long I can't speak Christian anymore. How do I tell someone there's such a thing as too much God? When the self-protecting organism of religion would argue there's no such thing? Using that very same religion?

Or should I first recognize that most zealot, overly-religious people, are using god to tackle some larger mental-emotional need. Should I suggest she go to therapy first (something weighing on my mind, because traumatized people traumatize other people) before having this conversation about moderation, and what she's truly using god to achieve. Is it my place, as the child of an N-parent to deal with this at all?

Tl;dr: How do you tell someone, "in-christian," that their faith is getting in the way of what that faith is supposed to achieve. Loving your family members without abuse, and being actually happy.

Thanks.