I secretly started this journey of deconstructing in late April to early May. I graduated with my B.A in poli sci a month later so I felt pumped that I could finally get a career that would get me at least a decent salary to where I could maybe move out in the next year. I still live with parents so if I were to rip the band aid off, it probably wouldn’t end well even if I had a position with a good salary. Come to find out that most of the “entry level” jobs I’ve tried to apply for require 3 to 5 years of experience, it makes me want to hurl my laptop across the room.

The point I’m trying to make is that it feels like I’ve hit a wall in my journey outside of just finances. Some nights before I go to bed, I start to wonder if this journey is really worth it. But I think most of these thoughts is because I’m afraid of stepping out. This thing (I think cult’s a better word) has been in my family for 5 generations and I didn’t know anything else growing up. It’s like a drug addict trying to get out of an addiction that runs in the family.

Outside of my parents and older brother who I rarely talk to anymore because he’s so far down the conspiracy rabbit hole, I don’t have anyone else. Most of my extended family is either just as wack or they’re out of state. This is going to sounds redundant, but is it normal to feel this afraid when leaving evangelicalism?