I was in the religion of the non-denominational church. What a bunch of bs. I started attending when I was 13. At the time, I thought the church was something to awe over. I remember thinking, “how could anyone deny this” It was such a powerful place to be. And it felt like home. The music, the people, the coffee, the peace.

Now, I’m almost 21. I’ve had a complete identity crisis. No matter how much I spoke up, there was no justification in the miss treatment of people and the obvious favouritism.

I was built off a lie that I was special. That God chose me to help build his kingdom, that he placed those gifts in me with a purpose and for a purpose. But as soon as you step into all of those things, the church immediately shuts you down. They will never admit it, but the truth is I just didn’t fit the part enough. It’s funny how the unstoppable force of God that they love to preach about stops at the feet of the church administration. Only they can give you access to close to Godliness.

I can fight back with scripture, but it’s no point.

This was all said and done last year when I was kicked out of church. Since then, I’ve tried other church’s, but I’ve decided to do things on my own. I’m not going back to church. I’m living life. I’m no longer constantly busy on Sundays. I can go on vacations, go to work, just spend the day in bed, and not worry about having to build myself up in a pathetic hierarchy.

It still hurts though, only sometimes. Usually when I hear a familiar song. I wish I could be in that kind of bliss again. But it was the fragility of my youth that made me so easy to manipulate. I’m stronger and wiser because of all of this. I understand the bible more than the people I used to study with even though I’m not a Christian anymore.

That whole church dynamic is a facade. It’s like a job. It doesn’t matter because you are replaceable to them. Sometimes it just makes me angry to see how many people they have under their grasp. Instead of wishing people would see the bliss, I just wish they would open their eyes. It isn’t church anymore, it’s a business. You are nothing more to them than a transaction.