Backstory and context: I am a 24 year old gay man who has never been raised religious but my parents believed in god to an extent (I also had some slightly more religious family who said things like “don’t say gods name in vain” and such).

I came out at 11 which was very rare in Michigan. I remember having friends parents tell me that’s it’s a sun and even a guy at school say “I am against his beliefs”. This was middle school and high school was much better - even though I did have a friend who was very religious.

Recently I have noticed many religious people in my life and podcasts on YouTube shots getting into my head to the point I am thinking everything I do or other people do is a “sin”. I never thought like this. I am now analyzing why I’m gay and it’s making me stressed. I see more anti-gay hate rise since transgender has become accepted.

To be honest - I don’t want an afterlife. I do not want eternity. That sounds so frightening to me.

There is this girl that cleans my moms house that was a heroin addict and is now “saved by god” and while she is “nice” she’s definitely a bible thumper. We have had deep talks and she told me “I don’t accept the LGBT lifestyle”. I am a very inquisitive person and I also like to find out peoples inner thoughts so I asked a dumb question which was how long I should wait to get with a guy in Chicago. Her response was “ I think you should wait till marriage with a woman to have many children so I can babysit them”.

Also, I told this to my religious friend from high school and she was nodding on FaceTime to this in response to her.

These people are narrow minded to the point of self righteous ignorance and bliss.

While I understand this myself and even my mother (who is an ally) said

“Michael, the bitch is lost and needed an imaginary man to help her through drugs. You are a gay man who is getting upset with the problems in your community but you need to be a proud gay man and be stronger”

Should I block TikTok’s on my YouTube? Should I start not taking to Christian’s completely (or any religious nuts for that matter)? Is this becoming OCD?

I just wanna be the happy, non-caring gay boy I used to be.