[WP] by u/SabuADT

[WP] The Journal of Sexual World Records receives its latest claim of a sexual record. A team is sent to investigate and verify the claim.

“The longest, wettest squirt? God, really?” Jake rolled his eyes. “If only I had a nickel for every time we got a claim for that.”

“Pa-ha, I know!” Shaun replied, forcefully trying to shove his clipboard into his work bag. The sarcasm from the two claim’s officers was palpable.

Trying not to let his frustration get the better of him, Shaun remained optimistic. “But that’s where we come in, right? Fact checking left, right, and centre.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Jake wasn’t convinced. Tapping his company pen against his shoulder, arms crossed, he leaned against their cubicle desk and dreaded the thought of making a trek out into the boonies for a liar.

“I mean, our lives could be worse, right? I heard Roger had to check on a claim for the oldest pussy in town, or something like that.” Jake sputtered as he finally decided to get his jacket on.

“Oh yeah I heard about that,” Shaun said swinging his knapsack over his shoulder and giving Jake a quick wide-eyed stare to signal that they gotta go. “I think the couple that sent in that claim were over a 100 years old or something. So yeah definitely old but I think the claim was to set a record for the oldest couple still having sex or whatever.”

The two officers started making their way towards the door, a long two hour drive ahead of them.

“Man, I don’t even know anymore. The claims just get weirder and weirder as more people learn that this even exists.” Jake sounded thoroughly annoyed.

“Okay, spoilsport. Let’s just remain optimistic, okay? Maybe this Jill squirts-a-lot is the real deal.” Shaun joked, swatting a hand at Jake’s arm. “And can we really complain? We’re about to go see this woman’s pussy in action! Not too shabby, huh?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just open the damn car door. Let’s get this show on the road. I wanna be back before sundown. I got a date!”

Shaun snorted as they got into the car. “You? Have a date? Have you told her what you do for work!?”

“How do you think I got the date?”

As the car took off, the GPS spoke over the sound of the two men and their banter.

”You are on the fastest route. You will arrive at your destination in 2 hours.”

Jake and Shaun adjusted their collars and pulled out their clipboards. Fidgeting and anxiously waiting for someone to swing the door open.

By now the men had this down to a science. They knew what to say. They knew how to be professional and approachable. They knew exactly how to take notes and verify the facts of each claim while paying attention to the candidate in action.

But something about this house, the witchy looking house in the middle of nowhere; made them both uneasy. It didn’t feel very promising.

The mailbox by the side of the road was falling apart, but much better held together than the damn house itself. The roof clearly let in a few leaks when it rained. The surrounding nature had hijacked every crevice of the house, covering it completely in weeds and vines. And of course, the air smelled of mildew.

But a job was a job and they had to see it through.

After what seemed like a few minutes too long, the men gave each other one glance and started turning towards the car.

Suddenly, the door swung open, revealing a dishevelled woman in a long frayed and stained frock. The hem of her skirt was pulled all the way up on one side and tucked under her sagging breast.

The sight was confusing.

“Oh my, I’m so sorry! I know…I know I look…crazy! I just wanted to be prepped before you got here, you know?!” The lady screeched, motioning with her hand for the men to come in.

Well, that explained the knotted hair and strange appearance.

“I’m Jill. Please, uh, please make yourself comfortable.” She said as she scrambled to pick up used cloths off the floor. They were quite literally scattered all over the place.

“I’ll get straight to it,” she started to say, not giving the men a chance to run through their regular introductory speech.

“I can’t take it anymore to be honest. If I’m going to suffer like this forever, I might as well get some goddamn recognition for it! Heck, maybe I’ll even make some money! Ya know?!”

Jake and Shaun tried to exchange a subtle glance at one another. They, in fact, did not know what she was talking about.

Sitting down on the couch, Shaun began to pull out a printed copy of the claim while Jake started writing notes on his clipboard.

“Ma’am. Jill. Can I call you Jill?” Shaun started. “Why don’t you start from the beginning.”

“No no! I must show you!” Jill sat across from the men in the ragged love seat. Only a beaten up wooden coffee table laid between them.

Before either of the men could argue, she had her legs parted as far as they’d go, and the frock pulled all the way above her breasts. She held the hem of it with her neck and locked eyes with the men.

Of course, given the nature of the job, they weren’t phased by the naked woman but her uneasy eagerness had caught them off guard.

“What are you waiting for? Oh, uh…can you pass me that?” Jill pointed to the area of the couch between the men.

At first they both looked down, trying to gauge what she was pointing at; until Jake realized there was a clear plastic dildo stuck between the couch cushions.

Hesitantly, he dug his hand down and pulled it out. Clearly it had been used because the cylindrical silicone left a film of an unknown wet substance on his hand.

Trying not to make his concern obvious, Jake continued to drag his attention away from his soiled hand and watch as the woman began to insert the dildo inside her.

With every thrust her eyes clenched and her moans grew. Eventually her head fell all the way back over the edge of the couch. The only clear sight was her semi-naked body, being fucked.

It wasn’t long before streams of clear runny liquid oozed out of her. It didn’t really look like a typical squirt.

No, this was just a shit ton of wetness.

As Jake continued to stare in a curious shock, Shaun began to write furiously on his clipboard. Both men were too stunned to even look at one another.

The woman’s wetness seeped onto the fabric of the couch, pooling at the crack between her ass cheeks.

As time went on, it dropped slowly onto the floor. Between the moans and groans they could hear the echo of her wetness sloshing as she thrusted the dildo in and out. Her ferocity grew.

“Is she, is she about to cum?” Jake whispered. But Shaun had no reply. His focused stayed on the woman.

His brows furrowed as if he knew something crazy was about to happen.

And it did.

This claim was no joke.

The woman shrieked and shivered profusely. The momentum of her hand increased with wicked speed.

She was in fact cumming.

Not even just cumming. Squirting. Exploding.

My god. What even was it?

Crazy shots of wetness flew all over the coffee table, eventually hitting both men as well.

They were too stunned to move.

It was like a sprinkler gone wrong. The wetness flooded out of her and the more she thrusted, the more forcefully it splattered out of her and across the room.

Jake and Shaun watched as they saw the claim of this woman come to life, in full action.

This lasted for 10 whole minutes.

There was no point in taking notes. Their claim papers and clipboards were soaked.

The wetness splattered everywhere, even soaking them beyond the comfort of their own clothes.

“Ohhhhhhhh, fuckkkkkkkkkkkk.” She yelled “Ohhhh, god. It won’t, it won’t stop!”

“Maybe don’t fuck yourself for this long!” Jake yelled. But Shaun swatted him on the arm before he could say anything else.

“I can’t! I-,” she cried. “I can’t! It won’t stop for at least a few…a few more…oh goddd…minutes!”

“This is definitely the longest and wettest squirt…I…I have ever seen.” Shaun whispered.

“Yeah, no shit.” Jake replied, still in shock.

The flooding of Jill's living room continued for several more minutes.

In both of the officers’ minds, the puzzle pieces were slowly coming together. Perhaps she was prepping herself before they came with the dildo. And given that her claim is no joke, the wet rags would have been used to clean up the mess she was making.

“Gahhhhhhhh…ahhhh…ahhhhhh,” Jill screamed, sending another flood of clear fluid spraying all over the living room.

Her scream didn’t stop. The men whispered again to one another, debating whether to help her.

Wondering if she was having a heart attack instead of an orgasm.

Would she be severely dehydrated after this? Probably.

No, most definitely.

“Gahhhhhhhhhh, fuck, uh uh, ahhhhhh! I need, I need….I think I need help! Please! Help!!!!!”

The two men quickly rose up and ran to her side. They eyed one another before looking down at the panting, screaming, leaking woman.

Jake instinctively reached down and began rubbing her clit. In his mind the extra stimulation would throw her over the edge and bring a stop to this unnaturally prolonged orgasm.

Shaun reached for one of the old cloth rags that was strewn about, and folded it to press it against Jill’s face. His hope was to comfort her and potentially wipe off all the drippings coming from her face.

With the help of both men, Jill began to shake with the incoming intensity of her orgasm.

“Oh my god, I’m coming! I’m gonna squirt!”

Shaun wondered what she had been doing all this time if not squirting?

“Yes, yes, yes, yes!”

“Ouuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, yeah!”

Jake saw the intensity of her body clench, and began to circle his finger around her clit with more vigour. He focused on rubbing the tip of his finger around the rim of her clit, offering a fast on-and-off stimulation to make her toes curl.

His other hand reached down and pulled at her left nipple. The jolt of excitement her body felt pushed her over the edge.

Jill has never been pleasured like this.

Her body convulsed against the men’s touch.

The liquid squirted out, landing everywhere.

Both men smacked their lips as it splashed on their face like a geyser.

Seeing her body pull away, Jake stopped his touch and let her simmer down.

Not knowing what to do as this poor woman caught her breath, the men looked around at the aftermath.

A small pool of water sloshed under their shoes.

It’s safe to say that after this, Jill’s claim was approved.