For context please visit my profile.

_______________

Part 44

Alright, I can do this. I took an enormous breath, looked in his eyes and said, “When we were doing stuff earlier, you were going to you know… use your fingers, you know… inside.
But it felt like you changed your mind, the same thing happened yesterday at the park.
I just want to know why… is there something wrong with me?
You can tell me, I won’t get mad.”

Gabriel looked at me with a great deal of sympathy in his eyes and said, “Red, thank you so much for saying this. I am incredibly aware of how difficult it is to say things like these, and I am so proud of you for having the courage for saying it.”

It felt good when he acknowledged the amount of effort it took for me to bring myself to say it. But… Yeah, yeah, yeah, get to the part where you answer my question.

I just nodded and he said, “Well, beautiful, the truth is that I am really looking forward to being inside you, in every way possible. It is all I think about… But when I finally am inside you, I want it to be completely, and I am saving that moment for when we are ready to have sex… It is not going to be at a park, or in my car… it is going to be on my bed, while I am looking in your beautiful brown eyes. I am going to love, enjoy and savor every moment of it.”

Oooooh! Speechless…
There I was, feeling rejected, like he thought I smelled or something, but he was trying to save that moment, like it was a special occasion.
I quickly went from feeling rejected and like something was wrong with me, to feeling deeply desired, and of course, blushing!
It was overwhelming.

He must’ve seen my confusion and asked, “Red, do you understand what I am saying to you?” I was still trying to recompose myself and croaked out a simple “Y-y-yes, Sir.”

I was baffled, I felt “special” I think would be the best way to describe it, but I just could not understand… Why? What was it about me that made him see me like that. I felt desired, deeply, and I couldn’t wrap my mind around that.
The truth is that prior to all of this, I saw myself as a broken girl who was not worthy of much more than a prom night lay, and there he was, treating the moment he enters me as an occasion to savor.
I was THIS close to telling him I was ready to have sex with him right then and there… but between shyness and the fact that he does not want it to be in the back of his car, I am sure I just looked lost.

He broke the silence and asked, “Red, are you alright?” I was starting to come back to earth and said “Yes, Sir, I am fine. I am just trying to digest it all. I was starting to think I smelled or something like that.” He laughed and pulled me in close for a kiss and I went back to feeling high, maybe a little ready to go back into make out mode.
I know I should’ve addressed what he said, but I just didn’t know what to say, I was shocked… What do you say to someone when they say something like that? Thank you?

This time, he broke the kiss and said, “Red, I have some questions of my own. Are you ok with answering them? They are personal questions, you should know that.”
Hmmm… What could he possibly ask me? I felt a little defensive, what if he started asking about my online activities? My life at home? What could it be?
I decided that whatever he wanted to know, I was going to be open and honest about it… Kamikaze Red!

I perked up and said, “What would you like to know, Sir?”

He took a deep breath and said, “Please do not see this as any form of disrespect, attack or anything along those lines, I simply don’t know the answers and think I should. Do you understand?”
Holy shit, what was he going to ask?
I said, “I understand” and he continued, “Red, do you have any habits I should know about?
Keep in mind that my commitment to staying here with you, regardless of what you say, is still there.
So don’t be afraid to be honest, I am not going anywhere.”

Confused, I asked, “Habits? Like what?”
He took a second to think and said, “As I said before, please do not take this as some form of disrespect, insinuation or accusation, I am just trying to see what we are dealing with.

I am trying to find out if you have habits, like do you go out and get drunk or high every weekend, or every day.
Do you have random hookups?
Am I going to start getting phone calls from an ex or a friend with benefits?
All things that could affect me and I should know about.”

HA! Dude, I seldom leave my room and the one time I stepped outside of my comfort zone, Eric fucked me and disappeared… if he calls you, tell him I said he sucks in bed!

I wanted to say exactly what I thought, but I am a lady! So, I said “No, Sir, nothing of that sort. Trust me, NOTHING!” and he said “I don’t know if I should trust you, Ms. Red, you ask for a whole lot of faith…” mocking me because I said that very thing to him the night before.
If that was the end of the questioning, I was going to come out of this unscathed.
I asked, “Is that it? That’s all you want to know?” and his response was, very unexpected. He said, “Almost! Do you use toys when you masturbate?”
Welp… I got too cocky, I should’ve left the questioning alone and not incite any more questions. It’s not that I felt the need to hide anything, it was just a little uncomfortable talking about this.

I said, “No, nothing either. I’ve thought about it, but never actually did it… they can get expensive, you know?”
He smiled and said, “Good, so my plan will continue as expected!”

Obviously, I got curious, I think he was doing that on purpose!
I asked, “What plan?” He did the forehead thing again, where he pressed his forehead against mine so our eyeballs damn near touched and intensely said, “Red, I want the next thing to be inside you to be me. No toys, no fingers, nothing.
Nothing should be inside you, until I am.
Do you understand?”

Wow! I don’t think that throughout all this writing, I have been able to do justice to his intensity and how overwhelming it could be, but I also liked it.

I nodded and said, “Yes, Sir, I understand.”
Granted, there were hygiene issues that were just left floating in the air, but I knew what he meant.
He was serious about saving that part of me, it was intoxicating to be the subject of his desire to that extent.

He then said, “I am glad that you understand, can you agree to it?” I said “Yes, Sir!” while nodding again, perhaps a little too vigorously, but I was excited about the whole thing.
The way I was feeling at that moment was a stark contrast to how I was feeling before, when I thought that there may be something wrong with me. Now, I felt like I was worth saving and savoring... and I was feeling good.

He simply said, “Good girl, thank you for being mine, Red. You have no idea how fortunate I am.” And then he kissed me.
All this had me feeling great, my new zip code was somewhere around cloud nine.

He broke the kiss again… Damn it!
Then he said, “There are two more things we need to talk about.” Geesh!
I said, “Yes, Sir” and he responded, “If you’re not on birth control, it is a good idea for you to go to your doctor and get on it.
I understand we’re not having sex, but we should be ready for when we are.
If you don’t have a doctor or health insurance, let me know and we will figure it out together.
You are doing this for both of us, so there is no reason you should have to shoulder this on your own.
Is that something you can live with?”

I had nothing, no objection, no comment, no joke, nothing, so I just said, “I can live with that.”
Honestly, the thought of having kids was a scary thought for me. I thought maybe it would change in the future, but as of that moment, I was perfectly on board with birth control.

It was so unusual to be having these grown-up conversations so openly and how he was just, in a way, guiding me through it all. I felt taken care of and protected.
Don’t get me wrong, I was acutely aware of the fact that this was also a way for him to get away scot-free, but hey, it was better than I had ever known.

Then I said, “And the last thing? Inquisitive minds, you know?”
He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. I was anxious to know what it was. Usually, this type of thing would have me hiding under the seat, but the way he walked me through it all, just made me want to know more.
He said, “This next thing is very, very sensitive and you should know that this is something that I don’t take lightly. It is something that is seldom talked about until it happens, but it is a reality that we have to deal with, understand?” I said, “I understand, Sir”.

He went on to say, “We have to talk about sexually transmitted diseases.”

My heart sank as he continued, “While I don’t expect this to happen to us, it’s always a possibility. But that’s true of any relationship—not just ours. The key difference is that we’ll be conscious, prepared, and open about it.

I want us to be ready, so if it does happen, we can handle it maturely and level-headed. The last thing we want to do in those moments is freak out. We’ll just see it as another thing we’ll take care of together, if it comes.”

Wow, wow, wow! Easy there, cowboy! I did not sign up for this! The mere thought of catching some disease turned me off completely. I had not thought about this as a possibility until he brought it up!
Shit!
When you sit there and think about it, he was right, it was a possibility… I guess I was too busy dealing with everything else and this didn’t even cross my mind.

I got off from straddling him and caught myself feeling exposed. I mean, I had read stories and stuff like that, and it was scary to think about it.

to be continued...