Parts 32/33 - For context, see my profile.
_______________________

I asked him what it was that he understood, and he said firmly, “I have to be clear, I am not a professional or anything of the sort,” – then he softened his tone  – “and I need you to know that whatever you say and feel does not change anything. I am still here, and I will be.

Also, please understand that I am not trying to undermine your feelings and emotions; they are real.
I am just looking to understand you so we can make this a better relationship for the both of us. OK?”
I looked at him confused. What was he about to tell me? I just said, “Yes, Sir,” and then he said, “Red, I think what you experienced in the car was a moment of anxiety. Is that a possibility?”

I was confused, but more than that, I felt defensive. How do I even answer that question? I mean, I didn’t think he was far off, but the possibility of him thinking, or realizing, I am broken was heartbreaking… is that what he understood? Was this something that would make him not want to be with me?

He broke my moment of thought by saying, “Red, remember I am not going anywhere, no matter what you say.”

I didn’t really know, so I decided to continue with the whole honesty thing; it seemed to work, so I said, “I don’t know. What does anxiety feel like? Or how would I know?”

He took a long breath and said, “From what I’ve read, anxiety gets to people in different ways, and I can only speak about MY experience.”—wait, what? He has anxiety?—he continued, “My anxiety is pretty much whatever negative thoughts I have, intensified by a million.

For example, when I was a kid, I stole a dollar from another kid; and when I am not anxious, I think back to that moment and think, ‘Man! I was a bad kid,’ but in a moment of anxiety, I think, ‘Gabriel, how could you do that? What were you thinking? You should be ashamed of yourself, Gabriel!’ That is VERY mildly put and a very tame example, but you get my point.
When the anxiety wears off, I go back to thinking, ‘Oh Gabriel, you knucklehead.’

Does that sound anything like your experience?”

My eyes got wide as he was describing his experience, which was oh so similar to mine. I mean, not long ago, I was mortified by the thought of him with ‘Ms. Falling Panties’ over there, but now it really was not all that bad. This was embarrassing and a bit intrusive, but also so fascinating!

I said to him with a cheeky smile, “What are you, Dr. Phil now?” and we both laughed. I admitted to him that my experience was very similar to what he described, and since I was already in this deep, I decided to say, “Honestly, I was really afraid because I thought you might think that I am broken, you know?”

He looked directly into my soul and said, “Red, if a little bit of anxiety means we’re broken, we’ll just be broken together. You think you can scare me off with a little anxiety? Thank again, beautiful!” and we both laughed.

Then he continued, “Red, who or what are you comparing yourself to when you say that you’re broken? People online?
Don’t answer that; it doesn’t matter.
Granted, being human is not as easy as it could be, but it is nowhere near as difficult as we make it out to be.
At the end of the day, we are all just trying to figure things out and be happy, right?

Red, as long as we’re together, we’ll work through it, and if it comes down to it, we’ll find you some help; there are people who do that for a living.”
I was in awe of the passion with which he said this and just nodded in agreement. His offer to help made me feel so protected and supported; I was just in awe.

He continued, “Red, I don’t know everything, and I don’t claim to, but I figured out a long time ago that trying to live to the expectations of others inevitably leaves you unhappy, because what others expect is not necessarily what you want or what works for you. I mean, so what if you like picking up old men at coffee shops? Who am I to judge?” I just laughed very loudly and gave him my best slap on the shoulder. How dare he call me on my shit!?

Then he got calm and said, “Is any of this making sense to you, beautiful?” and while still smiling, I said, “Yes, Sir.” He then replied, “Are you sure? Because I can continue… nobody can beat a dead horse like I can.” I just kept laughing, and while waving my hand, said, “No, no, no, it is fine. I get it, message received.” He said, “Good! Because I am way overdue for a kiss… Hopefully this time you won’t make yourself cum again.” My eyes opened, and my jaw dropped with embarrassment. How dare he say that to me? I blushed harder than ever! And I loved it! I replied, “No, that was your doing, Sir!” and he said, “Sure! Sure! Now, come give me my kiss.” I said, “YES, SIR!” and got close to kiss him.

After a moment of some delicious kissing—sadly no fingernails this time—he said, “So, are you OK? How are you feeling?” I said sheepishly, “Honestly?” and he replied, “Of course, I expect that.” Then I looked him dead in the eyes and said, “I was feeling REALLY GOOD, but then you stopped kissing me, and now I am just ‘good’.” He smiled and said, “Well, come here then, I’ll fix that right up!” and we got back to kissing.

I was hoping that he’d get the hint, and you know, “talk to me” again, but he just kept on kissing me with his arms around me. And don’t get me wrong, that was fantastic, but I was craving something more along the lines of amazing.
I wanted to make a move but was so shy and nervous. I did what anyone in my position would do: I got bold, bit his lip, and gave him a little moan— that’ll fix this!
Nope, nothing… aaarrrrggg!!!

And then, out of nowhere, he pulled away from me and whispered, “I can’t wait to fuck you, beautiful,” and without notice of any kind, he just ran his hand up my leg to the point where he just barely touched my panties and said, “It is going to be amazing to be inside of you.” My mouth was open, my eyes were super wide while he was looking straight into me, and then he finally touched my pussy, and I just lost it.
I gasped while my mouth was super dry—there's probably a name for that feeling, but you get what I mean.
I closed my eyes and just felt him tease my clit for the first time, and it was heaven. It was so much that I found my head on his shoulder while he just teased my neck with his beard, and then he would switch between his beard and kissing my neck. It was incredible.

He just kept doing that while playing with my clit through my panties, which were now a puddly mess. I remember feeling him put slight pressure on my entrance while using his other finger to lightly play with my clit.

I kept wishing I was bold enough to pull my panties down or to the side or something so he could feel how wet he had made me, but shyness is a curse.

Still, he kept teasing my entrance, my clit, my ear, and my neck; it was a medley of sensations parading through my skin, and I was lost in it.

Then I felt his other hand work its way to the back of my head, and I was ecstatic—he was going to do the hair-pulling thing again. YES!
He worked his hand under my hair, grabbed a nice handful, and pulled. Fuck, that felt so good it made me want to close my eyes! But this time, while he pulled, he looked into my eyes and whispered with authority, “Don’t close your eyes; let me look at them… look at me.” I kept trying to keep my eyes from rolling back while my breathing kept getting heavier and heavier, and then I felt it coming. It was about to happen! Then he whispered in my ear, “Don’t you dare cum without my permission; you wait until I say you can cum.” His eyes, his words, his hand were too much, and I couldn’t take it, but I did what I could to hold it.

Then, out of nowhere, he leaned in close and whispered in my ear, “Be a good girl and cum for me now.” His words sent a jolt through my entire body, like he had reached inside and flipped a switch. His fingers moved in that way I can’t quite describe—gentle but so focused on my clit—and suddenly, everything around me started to fade into a haze of pure sensation.

My breath hitched, and I managed to whimper, “Yes, sir, I’m your g-good g-g-g-girrrrr,” as each wave of pleasure started to hit. It was like every part of me was being pulled into this moment, like he had tapped into something deeper than just my body. The more he moved, the more everything else seemed to disappear until all that was left was him, me, and this overwhelming feeling.

Thoughts flashed through my mind—about him, about us, about what this all meant—but they all melted away as the pleasure took over. I was lost, completely lost, in the rhythm of it all. Every wave felt like it was stripping away every doubt, every fear, leaving me with nothing but the raw intensity of what I was feeling. I couldn’t hold anything back, not from him, not from myself. I just let go, completely.

Again, the next few moments are a mystery to me; all I know is that when I came to, he was just holding me again, stroking my hair and with his arms around me.

While in my haze, I remember thinking, “I could do this every Tuesday, for sure…”

I was there again, in that place, just experiencing Gabriel’s heartbeat and hearing him working to slow it down.

God, I wished he had instructed me to help him or that I was bold enough to offer. And then I heard a voice inside that said, “Wow, Red, here you are again… ready and willing to do whatever. Didn’t you say you were not ready? Is that how this is going to go?” and I heard another voice that said, “YES! Any other questions? Nosey bitch!” I just chuckled into Gabriel’s chest.

Gabriel noticed my, what I thought was silent, chuckle and asked me what was so funny. I really didn’t know what to say. I mean, if I shared that little comedic gem, would he think I was crazy for talking to myself? Nope, not taking that chance. Fortunately, or unfortunately (I don’t know anymore), during my post-orgasmic plop onto his chest, I was drooling, and it got on his shirt. So, it was either let him find out that I laugh at my own jokes, or I tell him I drooled on his shirt… easy choice; drool it is!

I quickly wiped my mouth, feeling a bit embarrassed. “Sir, I am so sorry, but I got your shirt wet” I said, trying to compose myself. He looked down at the small wet spot on his shirt and smiled. “Don’t worry, Beautiful. It is OK.” His playful grin made me feel a little better, so I just smiled back.

By this time, it started getting chilly, so he took off his jacket and put it on me. It was so nice and warm, plus it had his smell, it just put a huge smile on my face; it was just magical.

He took a minute and then asked me how I was feeling about the whole thing, and I said with a sigh, “Sir, I am feeling great. I can’t tell you how great I am right now.” He responded, “And your feelings about Christina, how are those?” I was honest and told him exactly what I was feeling, “I am still not in love with the idea, but I will be OK, nothing I can’t deal with.” He smiled and said, “I am very pleased to hear that. I am so proud of you; you did magnificently today.”

I felt a little cheeky and said, “You are just glad that you get to have your cake and eat it too.”
He just smiled and said, “No, Red, you did incredibly well today. The way you pushed through your discomfort and gifted me with your honesty and vulnerability, it is not an easy task. I know we’re going to be great together.” I sheepishly said, “Do you really think so?” and he said, “I am certain of it. You’ve no idea how difficult it is for people to open up and push past their discomfort like you have.

Ever since we met, you’ve been doing that, and while it has not been easy, you’ve done it. I just hope you continue doing it as bravely as you have so far.”
I just smiled and cockily said, “Well, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I am a very curious girl, and I am a fast learner.” He gave me a suggestive smile and said, “I can’t wait to find out.” And that made me bashfully dip my face back onto his chest while saying, “Sir, I am shyyyy!” and he just laughed.

After he was done making fun of me, he said that it was time to get me home. I didn’t agree with him, but I understood, so we walked to his car.
He opened the door and led me in. When he got in, I asked him if he wanted his jacket back, and he said, “No, that’s ok. It is keeping you warm; besides, I want as much of your scent on it as possible.”

Did this man know how to answer a question without embarrassing me? Honestly, I really loved the compliments.

As he started driving, I felt a cold feeling coming from the seat of his car, and then it dawned on me: I had gotten my dress wet from when he was “talking to me” in the park. Shit!

I did whatever I could to make sure I was not sitting directly on his jacket, and then realized I was going to get his car seat wet as well.

I made peace with it; this was going to be an embarrassing moment because I had to tell him… Or should I just let him find out when I get out of the car? He would understand, after all, he caused all this.

No, I am just going to tell him. I am sure he is going to understand, or at least he will tell me what to do.

I found a quiet enough moment and said, “Sir, I have something to tell you, and please do not get mad. My dress is wet, and I think it got on your seat… I am sorry.” He just chuckled and said, “I know, beautiful, it is OK, don’t worry about it.” I was shocked and said, “You knew? Why didn’t you tell me?” His reply was funny—at least I thought it was—he said, “Of course I knew, do you think I don’t look at your butt? I look at it all the time!” I was embarrassed, flattered, but embarrassed.
He continued, “And I didn’t tell you because me telling you would’ve had no positive outcome whatsoever.” —in a silly voice he said— “It’s just your looooooove juices; it’ll be OK.”

I blushed, mostly because he was referring to MY juices as “love juices,” which was sweet and funny.

Just as I was finally getting over the embarrassment, his phone rang, and it was connected to his Bluetooth. He just picked up the call, saying, “Hey! My brother, it is so good to hear from you! How are you?” He and his friend exchanged some funny pleasantries.

It stood out to me that when his friend asked Gabriel how he was doing, Gabriel just looked at me and said, “Life is good, my brother, life is good.” That made me feel so special, and I am sure I blushed.

Something that was a bit odd about their interaction was that with each exchange, they would flatter one another. Like when Gabriel asked his friend how he was, his friend said “If life was any better and I was better looking, I’d be just like you”. I thought that was nice, almost sweet.
After the pleasantries were done, his friend said, “I'm calling to see if you’re coming to the thing on Thursday. I am going to be speaking, and I wanted your input, so if you can make it, it’d be great.”
Gabriel told him that he had plans with his girl (yay, that’s me!), and his friend said, “Oh ok, I understand, no problem,” and then Gabriel cut him off and said, “Wait, give me a second,” they both stayed quiet for a few seconds and Gabriel said, “On second thought, I’ll be there. That way, you get to meet Red.”—wait, what??—His friend responded, “Ooh! I get to meet her? She must be something!” Gabriel just looked at me and said, “She’s got me on the hook; may as well go all in.”
His friend said, “Great! I will see you then, and I look forward to meeting her.” Gabriel just said, “Sounds like a plan, I will see you then. I love you, my brother,” and his friend said, “I love you too, bye.”

Wait, wait, wait, wait! There are a lot of questions here!

First off, I am going to a “thing”?
What kind of “thing”?
I am meeting his friend, or friends? So soon?
And why are they saying “I love you” to one another?

I broke the silence and asked, “Sir, what kind of thing are you taking me to?” Notice I didn’t say “no,” but I was curious. He simply responded, “Well, I told you that Thursdays were reserved for our growth, right?” I said, “Yes, I remember that” and he responded, “Well, that’s a place of growth for sure.” I just asked, “What kind of thing is it?” and he just responded, “Red, you’re going to love it, have some faith in me.”

Sigh… I guess I will just see when we get there. Then I said, “I thought you were not going to introduce me to the people in your life until later,” and he said, “If you are willing to open up and be vulnerable with me, I should be willing to do the same with you. I will not allow you to do something I am not willing to do myself.
You sure move fast, Ms. REDiance!”

I just sat there, wondering what that meant. I was nervous! I mean, meeting his friends already? A little while ago, I was considering walking out on this relationship. This was going fast!

It was at that moment that I decided I was going to give this the best shot. I was already neck deep; might as well get wet all the way.
HA! Wet-ter! I crack myself up.

I said, “Sir, thank you for everything. I promise you I am going to give this my best shot.” He just responded, “You are welcome, beautiful, I know you will.”

I really was convinced that I had to at least try my best. Everything—and I mean everything—he had brought to my life so far, was by far the best I had ever had, so I was determined to see it all the way through.

I was still curious and said, “Sir, why did you say, ‘I love you’ to your guy friend?”

He chuckled and said, “Because I love him, Red.” And I responded, “I understand that, but isn’t that a little weird? Men are not supposed to say those things to each other, right?” He laughed a little more and said, “I am a weird man, Red, have you not noticed?” and laughed some more.

Then he continued, “So, Red, I am not supposed to tell the people that I love that I love them?
When exactly do I get to tell them? When they are in a coffin?
No, not me, if I love you, I am going to tell you and show you every single chance I get.”

Well, that shut me up; I really could not say anything more. Obviously, I know nothing about men.
I just thought that guys always had that “bro talk” like “what are you doing, douche bag?” stuff like that.

The more I thought about it, the more I admired him and the way he carried himself. I can’t even remember the last time I told my mom I loved her.
Speaking of which, tonight might be a good time to tell her I love her because she is going to have a cow when I walk in the house dressed like this and with a wet spot on my dress.
When we got to my house, I was nervous, and I just didn’t know what to do, what was going to happen, or how I was going to react.
Then I remembered my promise to Gabriel, I said I am going to give it my best shot, and that’s exactly what I am going to do.

Gabriel got out of the car, opened my side, and walked me to my door. When we got to the door, Gabriel said, “Red, thank you so much for a great time. I really enjoyed myself, and I enjoyed you.
I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability; I really enjoyed that.”

I replied, “Thank you, Sir… tonight was very special to me, and I enjoyed every bit of it.” Then he held me for a little bit.

After a moment, he broke silence and asked, “Red, are you starting to trust me?”
I said, “Yes, Sir, I am.”
And then he just casually said, “Good. I need you to make yourself available tomorrow and meet me and Christina at the coffee shop where we had dessert at 5.”

To be continued...