Hey guys, I hope you guys are enjoying reading this as much as I am enjoying writing it.

I get a lot of messages and some comments, most of it is amazing, some of it is not so great, but the other day someone commented something that made me so happy. They said: "some of the things you've written have made me think about how i approach some things."

It just made me happy because my story might make a difference in someone's life. THANK YOU!

-Red

Part 24 - For context, see my profile.
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I responded sheepishly, almost in an undeserving tone, “Yes, I do,” and he corrected me by saying, “Yes I dooo………….??” Ah! That was my cue: “Yes I do, Sir.” Then he said, “Good girl. So you were saying you wanted to be very honest, go ahead.”

Well, shit! With that intense moment, I forgot! No, I didn’t, but I wish I had, not because I wanted to avoid the conversation, but the intensity was a lot for me to take in. Once I got past the feeling left from the intensity and his commitment to the relationship had set in, I decided to just completely let it rip and be as honest as I could be.

I braced myself to be as honest as I had ever been, letting everything flow wherever it needed to go. I took a deep breath and said, “Well, to answer your question, I decided to be with you because I got tired of running in circles in my head about it. In the end, it all led to the same place: I want to at least try to be with you. And, don’t laugh, but I saw an episode of The Golden Girls that gave me the last little nudge I needed.”

He ignored my request and laughed anyway. I laughed a little too, then he said, “Hmm… I didn’t peg you for a Golden Girls fan, but I won’t distract you from your train of thought. Go on.”

I continued, “Another thing that’s been on my mind, today more than any other day, is…” I choked up, not a little, but A LOT, feeling so vulnerable. “I want to be more than just a part-time girlfriend that you see on some days. It kills me not to be able to see you or text you whenever I miss you.” And then I felt tears coming down my face.

He wiped my tears with his hand, took a deep breath, and said, “Red, please let me know when you’re done with your thought so I can speak. I don’t want to cut you off.” I fumbled to say, “I’m done.”
He took my hands in his and said, “Red, you’re not a part-time girlfriend, I promise you that. My intention with you is for you to be my primary relationship. Do you know what that means?”

He paused and then added, “You know what, I’m going to explain it to you so we don’t make any assumptions.

For me, a primary relationship is the one with the highest level of commitment and priority.
It means you’re the person I’m most deeply connected to, the one I turn to first in all things.
We’ll share our lives in a way that’s more intimate and intertwined than with anyone else.
It doesn’t mean I won’t care for others, but you will always come first. Your happiness, your needs, and our relationship will be my top priority. This is, of course, assuming you’re comfortable with everything that happens in the near future and decide to stay with me.
Do you understand what I am saying to you?”

I nodded, but he said, “REDiance, I am going to need you to use your words, please.”

“Yes, I understand,” I said, but again he pressed, “Yes, I understand…????”

Fuck! I forgot. Then I quickly corrected myself, “Yes, I understand, Sir.”

He responded, “Any questions so far? I’m not done, but if you have any questions so far, we can address them now.”

I sheepishly replied, “W-what about Christine, or whatever her name is?” He chuckled a little and said, “You know her name... now say it.”

I took a deep breath and said, “Christina.”

He continued, "Yes, that is her name. I understand that this might be uncomfortable for you, but I need you to show respect, just as I will expect the same from her towards you. We don’t dismiss, disregard or disrespect one another in this relationship. Understood?"

I felt like I was being chastised, but I understood, so I said, “Understood, Sir.”
He continued, “Good. As for Christina, she will be gone sooner or later. She has made her priorities clear, and this relationship is not it.
While I wish her the best and I’m going to support her in everything she does, and I hope you will too, her priorities are elsewhere, not HERE.
My priority, on the other hand, is HERE*—this relationship. And again, I hope it will be yours too; it has to be if this is going to work.*
Do you understand this part?”

I quickly responded, “Yes, I understand.” He didn’t correct me this time, but he squinted his eyes and gave a playful smile, recognizing that I was doing it on purpose, but he didn’t stop looking at me until I said, “Yes, I understand, SIR.”

Holy shit! Am I going to meet this girl? I would have to if I’m going to be supportive of her, wouldn’t I? When is this all going to happen?

He cut my little moment short by saying, “Now, the scheduling part, that is purely for me. I just need you to know and understand that I have other things I have to do and like to do outside of our relationship.

One big mistake that people make in relationships is completely changing their everyday lives to accommodate a new relationship. I know because I’ve done it in the past and then I lost myself in the process. I refuse to do that again, but I also refuse to allow you to do it… but that’s because I know the negative effects this has.
Do you understand this part?”

I took a big breath and said, “Yes, I do understand, but I miss you and I want to see you.” He was quick to respond, “I miss you too, I want to see you, and I want to spend time with you. Please don’t think I don’t.
Look, it is Monday and HERE WE ARE.
The schedule is so that you understand that I do have to do other things, but when time allows it, I will definitely see you.
Understand that my life, as I like to live it, requires maintenance, if you will. I am very clear on what I need in my life, but the reason I am so clear about it, is because I’ve lived without these things, and it was unsatisfactory, so I protect it and maintain it.
Do you understand?”

I said, “What needs are you talking about, and how am I getting in the way?” He smiled and said, “I love your question, we’re going to be so good together.
Well, the vision I have for my life is abundantly clear, and I will share it with you because if you’re going to be a part of it, you need to understand it and support it. It is really quite simple, but VERY important:

I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE DOING WHAT I WANT TO DO AND
SURROUND MYSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO I LOVE AND I LOVE BEING AROUND.

That’s it, really simple.
So, in order to do that, I have to nourish my relationships with my friends, my family and romantic relationships. I also have to carve out time for me to do things I want to do and if possible, combine those things. And to answer your question about how you get in the way, you don’t.
However, before I bring you around all the people I love, I have to make sure that you’re at the very least committed to this relationship and won’t just bail out—not only on me, but on the people I love, who might just start getting attached to you.
Does that make sense to you?”

I understood but wanted to be a little bratty and, smiling, said “It doesn’t NOT make sense.” He just smiled and said, “Stop being a little smartass and come give me a kiss.” I reacted a little too eagerly and jumped to kiss him… every time I kissed him, I kept thinking “I am so screwed… I like this too much.”
Something else happened, though. When I leaned in to kiss him, I accidentally put my hand too high up on his leg, and let’s just say I was not the only one that was happy to be there. I didn’t apologize, but I didn’t say anything either—I just moved my hand back… just saying, I noticed.

When I pulled back from the kiss, he just sighed and said “mm… I am getting used to those kisses,” and I blushed.

Anyway, he continued, “As far as texting me, you can text me or call me anytime you want. I am not hiding anything from you, BUT you have to understand that my phone, to me, is just that—a phone. It is not glued to my hand, and more often than not, I neglect it… and frankly, I don’t see that changing anytime soon. I see what it does to people, and I am not that fond of it… but I will try to be a little better with it. Just know that if you call me and I can’t pick up, I will always call you back as soon as I can, but that is the best I can do at this time,” and he laughed a little while I pouted.

The whole conversation really made me feel better and helped me understand my position in the whole relationship. I was afraid I was just going to be a side thing. I mean, I was aware of the fact that he could be bullshitting me, but at this point, I saw no indication of that.

While he drank his tea (man, this man loves his tea!), he said, “Do you have any more questions for me?”
It’s funny, being open and honest felt good, and every time I felt more OK with everything.
I asked “So, will I meet Christina?” He was quick to say “Absolutely, I want you to meet her.”
Interestingly enough, the punch I used to feel in the gut was not there anymore… now it was almost normal. A bit uncomfortable, but not as bad.

I said, “Honestly, I feel a little intimidated,” and he just smiled and, too confidently, said, “Trust me, it’s not that bad at all, you’re going to love her.” In a challenging way, I asked, “Really? What makes you so sure?” and with the biggest smile on his face, he said, “Because I only allow amazing people into my life, that’s just how it is.” We both laughed a little, but I could see he wasn’t kidding about this.

He shifted the conversation back, asking, “Speaking of Christina, how are your jealous feelings?”

Generally, this would be another deer-in-headlights moment for me, but it wasn’t, not at all. I replied, “I did some research about jealousy, and apparently, you were almost right. I found out that it can also be caused by abandonment, so you were right-ish.”

He smirked and said, “Well, abandonment leads to insecurity, it’s not a separate issue. BUT, in the end, it doesn’t matter for our purposes, as long as it brought you some level of understanding and peace. But that was not my question, was it?”

I replied, “Honestly, understanding it did help a lot. Talking about her didn’t sting as much this time. It’s still a bit uncomfortable, but I think I can handle it… though, I know it’s easier to say than to actually do, right?”

He just smiled and said, “You’d be surprised, Red, but if you hang around for a little while, I promise you this will be a thing of the past and you’ll be able to laugh about it.”

I felt cheeky and said, “Feeling full of confidence, aren’t you?” to which he replied, “Overflowing with it, but that’s every day,” and smiled.
Then he continued, “I am very pleased you’ve been feeling better with the jealousy issue. It really only hurts YOU, and living with jealousy is a self-imposed hell. I know because I’ve been there.
So if you get nothing else out of this relationship, you’re already ahead of the game. You would not believe the amount of people that live with this problem and never recover… so, as of right now, I am extremely proud of you and VERY impressed.”

I blushed and felt good about myself, his approval was becoming more and more rewarding to me. With a shy smile, I just said “Thank you, Sir” and he replied “That’s my good girl, you are very welcome and thank you for being such a fast learner, and soooo adorable.” And then he said “3, 2, 1… BLUSH!” and I did, with a big smile.

I was feeling really good, it is amazing how these conversations keep getting better and I kept getting more and more comfortable with him and what seemed like a bad idea in the beginning was slowly becoming “not so bad.”

After all that, he said that we had enough talking of all that heavy stuff and that it was time to be getting home and he had to go home as well because he had to do some stuff before bed. He also said, “Red, don’t forget that tomorrow is Tuesday, and what happens Tuesdays?” and I eagerly said “It is date night, sir.” He smiled and said “Good girl, I have been looking forward to date night since we met. Please wear a dress and heels for our date, and let that beautiful hair down for me. Can you do that?” I quickly said “I can do that, sir,” but inside I was a wreck! Dress? Shoes? What?

I was lost in shock and almost missed when he said “Excellent. I will pick you up at 7. Do you need me to drive you home?” I said “No, it is OK, I drove here” and then he offered to walk me to my car. We walked to my car, me on his arm, laughing and him being super flirty, and me blushing… It was a good night.

He opened my car door (which was surprising to me) and as I went to get into my car, he stopped me and said “Excuse me miss, where do you think you’re going?” I was startled and said “What??” and he just pulled me from my waist and planted a big kiss on me that just… it just… well, it JUST, okay!

Then he let me get in my car, he closed the door, and stood by my car until I drove off.

What a turn of events for the night…

 to be continued...