Part 23 - For context, see my profile.
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When his tea was ready, I brought it to our table and sat down to wait for him. I was nervous, anxious, but also overcome with joy in anticipation of what was to come.

And then I finally saw him walking towards me… I loved his walk, so confident and calm. It was sexy—even though he was sweaty in shorts and a hoodie, I wanted to submerge myself in his chest again, sweat and all.

When he got to our table and sat across from me, he smiled and said, “Well, Ms. REDiance, seems like you’ve been doing some thinking. Are you serious about being with me?” At that point, that was all I wanted, so I said, “Yes, I do… Sir.” He smiled and asked, “And when did you make this decision?” I replied, “Yesterday.” He said, “I have questions, but I’m going to leave them for another time. Right now, I’m just going to enjoy the moment.” He smiled and instructed me to go sit next to him, and I did.

Once I was next to him, he held my hand and kissed me—not a deep passionate kiss, but not a tap either; I certainly felt it. He then gave me one of those intense, intrusive looks in the eyes and said, “Well, I just want you to know that I will do everything I can to make sure you’re more than happy with your decision. I will commit to earning your trust and being what you need me to be.”

I just smiled and blushed… nobody had ever said anything like that to me, let alone committed to it.

In the short time I had known Gabriel, I felt like he was honest and meant what he said. I’m not going to lie and say that I wasn’t hesitant or that there wasn’t any fear in me about it all, but something told me that if I was ever going to trust a man, he would probably be the one.

I was excited, but I still had a little bit of a “blues hangover”—that’s what I call the feeling I get after having a moment of blues, when I’m not exactly blue anymore, but there are remnants of it lingering. I hope that makes sense.

One thing that I noticed about myself is that eye contact had always been a problem for me; it felt so intrusive and vulnerable, I avoided it at all costs… but not with Gabriel, not anymore. I looked for it, I wanted to be vulnerable with him… I so enjoyed staring into his dark brown eyes and trying to figure out what was behind them.

As he was holding my hand, I looked in his eyes and said, “So what do we do now?” He smiled and said, “Well, now we kiss… I have not been able to stop thinking about that since the last time I saw you.” I just blushed and whispered, “Yes, Sir!”

I loved it when he kissed me; he was so gentle and commanding at the same time, not at all what I expected when he first started talking about the tyrannous regime he was going to put me under.

When the kiss ended, he just hugged me and whispered in my ear, “Red, I enjoy your smell so much and kissing your lips is such a delightful experience.” I thought, “Which lips??” OF COURSE, I DIDN’T SAY THAT, but I thought it… and you probably did too, perv!

Anyway, after such a compliment, all I could do was sink more into him.

After he pulled away (because I wasn’t trying to let him go), he took a sip of his tea and asked, “What brings you to the coffee shop?” I explained that I had just gotten out of work and felt like having some tea and relaxing before heading home. He nodded and said, “I was surprised when I saw your message. I had just finished training with my friends, so I decided to surprise you and show up. I apologize for the sweat, by the way.”

That pretty much explained the shorts, hoodie, and the sweat, but of course, I had to find out what sort of training he was doing. So, I asked, “What were you guys training?”

He replied, “I do martial arts. My friends and I train on Mondays. Remember I told you?”

That was interesting and unexpected, so I asked, “Which art do you practice?”—as if I knew anything about it. But he vaguely said, “A little bit of everything at this point. And since we’re talking about it, you’ll start training too.”

I was a little surprised; he hadn’t mentioned anything about doing something like this, but I wasn’t against the idea. Honestly, I had always wanted to try it. Though it did raise a bit of a red flag: Is he violent? But even if he were, he wanted me to learn it, so what was he thinking—did he want to fight me?

I said, “I didn’t think you were a man who enjoys violence.”

He took a deep breath. Uh oh, did I say something wrong? He responded, “Why do you think I enjoy violence? Because I train? Not at all. I don’t like violence, but let’s be realistic—it could happen. And if it does, I know I can handle the situation, at least better than I would if I didn’t train.”

This man plans for every possible situation, doesn’t he? He continued, “Besides, I enjoy doing it, and I get to spend time with people I love and enjoy being around. It’s a win all around.” He paused to take a sip of his tea, then said, “But enough about that; we’ll cover all that soon enough. Tell me, what have you been doing? What’s been going through your mind? What made you decide to be with me so suddenly?”

Ugh, shit! He’s going to make me talk about this—can’t he just take a ‘yes’ and be happy?

I said, “Can I be VERY honest with you?”

His response was… well, not what I expected at all. He came in closer and said:

“Red, look at me and believe what I’m going to tell you with every fiber of your being. Every time you talk to me, not only can you be honest, I expect that from you. If we’re going to be together, if there’s anyone I expect to be honest, it’s YOU. I want to be crystal clear with you, and I need you to understand this:

No matter what you say to me,

I will be here for you.
I will support you.
I will do my best to understand you.
I will not judge you.
I will not reject you.
I will not abandon you.

Honesty has to be ever-present in our life together; otherwise, we will never work. If you tell me the truth always, then I can work with anything. But if you don’t, then I can’t do much other than chase ghosts that you create for me to chase.
Even if you tell me that you no longer want to be with me, I will still be here for you and work with you. So, unless you explicitly tell me that you need me to walk away from your life at that very moment, I will honor the commitment I have with you.

Do you understand what I’m saying to you?”

Holy shit! That was intense, almost scary! That’s a lot of commitment from him… towards me. It was almost too much… almost.

While he said that, I saw another side of him come out—I had seen that side before, the side that only appears when he’s sternly expressing his needs, desires, and requirements. And just like that, he sat back and returned to his joyous, calm, and gentle nature. It was intense, unusual, and my curiosity was super triggered.

I responded sheepishly, almost in an undeserving tone, “Yes, I do,” and he corrected me by saying, “Yes I dooo………….??” Ah! That was my cue: “Yes I do, Sir.” Then he said, “Good girl. So you were saying you wanted to be very honest, go ahead.”

Well, shit! With that intense moment, I forgot! No, I didn’t, but I wish I had, not because I wanted to avoid the conversation, but the intensity was a lot for me to take in. Once I got past the feeling left from the intensity and his commitment to the relationship had set in, I decided to just completely let it rip and be as honest as I could be.

to be continued...