These are parts 13-14 of my story.
I am reconstructing my story from my diary, emails, texts and memory. Granted, I may be romanticizing things, but this is how I remember it. The conversational parts are obviously paraphrased.

-Red
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So I began telling him the story...

I started lightly and said, "Oh, you know, same old story: boy meets girl, girl falls in love, boy vanishes," with a sarcastic smile. "Typical story."

He smiled with me, but I could tell he wanted to know more. "Do you mind saying more about it?" he asked.

"Well, I had this best friend. We met online and hit it off right away. We talked about everything—our dreams, fears, all that stuff. Over time, things got a bit flirty, and I thought he liked me too. After a few years of being online friends, we decided to meet in person."

Gabriel gave me all his attention, his eyes never leaving mine... it felt a bit intimidating, but I continued...

"When we finally met, everything seemed perfect. We spent the whole day together, and that night... well, I lost my virginity to him. I thought it would bring us closer, but the next morning, he just... vanished. No calls, no messages, nothing. It was like he disappeared off the face of the earth."

Gabriel's expression remained calm and understanding, which made me feel a bit more comfortable.

"I waited a while, hoping he'd reach out, but he never did. I guess he just wasn't as into me as I thought he was," I said, trying to laugh it off. "It was confusing and kinda sucked, but hey, I survived."

Gabriel just looked in my eyes and said "Red, that must have been really tough," he said. "I'm so sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing it with me. I hope talking about it helped a little."

His words were comforting, and I felt a bit more at ease. "It did help, but I'd rather not focus too much on that. Is that okay?" I asked.

"Of course, I completely understand. Let's talk about something else" he replied, taking a sip of his tea. "So, Ms. Red... how do you think we're doing? Are there any questions you'd like to ask me?"

At this point, I was a lot more relaxed and able to think and talk more comfortably. "Well, Mr. Gabriel... this is a little odd. Just the way we're going about things. I thought people met, went out to movies, dinner, and things like that, and after some time, they deal with the things we're dealing with. This seems backwards, don't you think?"

He took a second to think and said, "You're absolutely right, Red. We are doing things backwards according to how normal people do these things, but I am not normal, have you not noticed?" He let out a laugh and I joined with my own laughter and said, "I am coming around to that idea, but still, I'm curious." He said, "I completely understand, but let me explain why we're doing things this way, ready?" with a big smile... I thought to myself, "Grrr, so much charm should not be packed into one person!"

He continued, "See, most people will go through the things you said, spend time together and enjoy each other's company. What we don't take into account is that the person we're getting to know is a different personality. Let's call that personality 'Date Person,' but this person is focused on only showing what they think is the best part of themselves. Do you agree?"

I couldn't argue with that logic, so I nodded my head, and he continued, "That carries through the 'honeymoon stage,' but then the real personality comes out, and it's not always as pretty. However, by that time, people are emotionally invested, one can even say they are 'in love,' but the person they fell in love with is no longer around, and THEN they start having the difficult and uncomfortable conversations. You're with me?"

I nodded again. "Okay, I think you're right," I said.

He continued, "Now, imagine if we started dating as normal people do, we fall in love, and in two years, I tell you that I am polyamorous? Or somewhere down the line, I tell you that 'you are mine' and all those things that I require of you, not WANT, REQUIRE. It is bound to create friction because that is not what you signed up for from the start. How would you feel about that?"

"I don't think I would like it, but I also think that when you love one another, you figure things out," I said.

He jumped in, saying, "I understand your point, but in reality, you're HOPING that things would work out and that you could move past whatever friction there is. If not, not only would you be heartbroken, but you'd also have lost two years and now you're out there on your own. And that's the best-case scenario. The other scenario is that you'd spend the rest of your life being unhappy because you can't bring yourself to part from that relationship."

I thought, "Well, when you put it that way..." Regardless of what I decided to do with this relationship, I was learning a LOT. So, at this point, I just said, "Okay, I agree with you," and he continued his long-winded speech.

"We, on the other hand, are having the difficult and uncomfortable conversations now, while we're not deeply in love. So if there are any issues, they really don't matter, we can both go our separate ways. In that way, we only open ourselves up for love knowing exactly what we're getting into." He sipped his tea and continued, "So, no, we are not doing things like normal people because I am not planning on having a normal relationship. I plan to have an amazing relationship, whether that's with you or with someone else, only time will tell, but that is my plan and I won't have it any other way."

Inside me, there was a voice that said, "Wtf!? Why not me?" But I understood where he was coming from and honestly, I respected it... and I liked it.

However, there was that elephant in the room—the polyamorous thing. I kept trying to put it out of my mind, but he brought it up, and I figured, "I guess now is as good a time as any... rip the bandaid in one motion!"

So, I said, "Can I ask you a question and you'll answer truthfully?" He just looked at me, raising his hand with a smile, and said, "Nothing but, so help me God." I continued, "I know you're polyamorous, that is clear. Are you seeing anyone now?"

I guess I really just wanted to know, but I won't lie, I was hoping he'd say, "No, you're the only one for me," something romantic like that.

He didn't hesitate and said, "Yes, I am seeing someone." That felt like a punch to the gut. I don't know why; I mean, he was being honest all along, and I knew that this was a possibility. In fact, I had accepted it as a certainty, but there was a part of me that hoped, you know?

I know he saw the disappointment in my eyes, but he just looked in my eyes sympathetically and waited for me to say something... I figured, since I was already there, fuck it. I said, "Is that something we can talk about?" He said, "Certainly, what would you like to know?"

I mean, I can't lie, I was a little disappointed, but I understood that it was not his fault at all. I just said, "Well, I just would like to know if I would be a girlfriend to you or to you both. That's the right word, right?" He smiled and said, "Yes, Red, that is the right word. And to answer your question, no, you would not be 'our girlfriend.' If anything, she would become our, yours and mine, girlfriend."

Now, work with me here, this was confusing to me at the time, so let me try to explain it: As I understood it from my 'vast' research, the way it works is that there is a couple, and any other person that comes after that would become a 'girl/boyfriend' to either person in the couple or to both.

In this case, I would be coming in as the third, assuming there was only one. I could be eighth for all I knew.

So, I asked him how it worked, and he said, "Well, you're right, that is usually how it would work. But in this case, we are not a 'couple.'" I must have looked incredibly confused, but he continued, "What happened is that some time ago, she made the decision that while she loves what we have, her culture, religion, and family prohibit this type of relationship. She feels that she would break her parents' hearts if they found out about it. Besides, her whole life she dreamed of the wedding and the white picket fence, and she has chosen to pursue that life."

I thought, "Holy shit, this is deep, complex, and fascinating!" So, I asked, "How did you find out about her intention?"

He was quick to respond, "She told me, and we had the conversation. You must remember this is based on honesty, trust, and full transparency. You cannot have this type of connection if you can't fully rely on the other person's honesty and intent, and I refuse to live my life any other way. Make sense to you?"

My jaw was on the floor. I just could not see how this worked. I asked him how he felt about the whole thing, and he said, "I understand it, I support it, and it sucks, but that's the rule, remember? If at any point there is a need that I am unwilling or unable to satisfy, you should go and pursue that need."

It made sense, it really did, but I guess I imagined that this was a "last resort" type of thing. But this guy was not just talking the talk; he was walking the walk.

When I asked him about where they stand now, he told me that they still love one another, are still on good terms, and they talk and see each other once a week.

This was very confusing to me. It was like breaking up without being broken up. I asked him what this arrangement was like, and he explained that they were boyfriend and girlfriend, but they both knew that at some point she was going to leave permanently.

Talk about a mind-fuck... My mind was being pulled in different directions, my beliefs were being questioned, and it all felt overwhelming... But I wanted to know more.

I said that it seemed like they were postponing a heartbreak, and he said, "I guess you can look at it that way, or you can look at it as two people who love one another and know there is an end, so they choose to enjoy their love while they still can. Regardless, it is going to hurt, and it is going to be difficult whether it's now or later. It is just like any normal couple, with the exception that instead of me trying to change her mind or make promises I won't be able to keep, I am supporting her to go in the direction she wants to go in. When she finds someone that she is going to try to be monogamous with, then we will say our goodbyes and move on."

All that had me floored. I understood everything Gabriel was saying; it just seemed like a little too much. And then it hit me:

“Having this type of arrangement would be so much better than what my ex-best friend did.”

I think Gabriel saw the lightbulb over my head because he just smirked while looking at me. As I said, “That's much better than what my ex-best friend did,” he almost too cockily replied, “I know.” I asked, “So why didn’t you say that earlier?” He very calmly sipped his tea and said, “Red, some things we cannot see until we are ready to discover and see them on our own. If I had brought that up, you might’ve become defensive, and this whole conversation could’ve taken a very bad turn. But since you reached that realization on your own, you’re much more receptive to the idea.” I was taken aback by the moment, plopped into my chair, and reached for my cup. I thought that at least this type of breakup was more 'civilized' than any other type I’d experienced or heard of.

I apologized for being quiet; it was just a lot, and my head was spinning so much, I felt light-headed. So much information combined with new understanding was just, a lot. He told me not to worry and to take as much time as I needed to process all of it. He did ask if I wanted to go home and just simmer in it, but I didn't want to. I felt like Neo in the Matrix the first time they installed a new skill into his brain, and I wanted more! Don't judge me, I told you I am a nerd.

He instructed me to just take a few deep breaths and to try to not think about it, but how could I? I just took some deep breaths and tried to get my mind to settle.

After a few minutes, I finally regained my composure and said, "I am sorry, I just had never had that feeling; especially while trying to have a conversation at the same time." He told me not to worry too much about it and asked if I had any more questions... yeah, like a billion! But I settled by asking him if I would ever meet this person, and he responded, "That all depends, Red. If you decide that you want to start seeing me, then we'll spend some time together, and if we decide that we want to do this long term, then I will introduce you to the people in my life, including Christina." I thought to myself, "So, she has a name!"

It was such a contradiction to feel jealous but also want to meet her at the same time.

He interrupted my moment of pettiness by saying, "Now that you have more information and have had some time to think about it, do you know what you'd like to get out of this?" I told him that I really didn't know yet, and he asked me, "Let's start with this: what do you feel is lacking in your life right now?"

That question took me by surprise, but the answer, the REAL answer, made me feel so vulnerable, I just did not know if I should just pour it all out...

to be continued...