This short excerpt is a sex scene from a fantasy story I am writing. I'm very new to this so let me know what you think and if you have some critique on the writing itself I am very open to that, feel free to comment or to message me with anything I should know.
The reason I choose to share this is because I suppose I'm a bit shy about sex scenes in writing so I'm ripping the duct tape off here with you all.

Thank you, I hope you enjoy!

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Jack's eyes opened slowly, but his eyelids felt so heavy as to keep him asleep forever. Birds chirped outside. The bees buzzed by his open window. Honey and flowers, sweet grasses and warm daylight filled his lungs and skin. He forgot to think, forgot how to know anything, and existed as effortlessly here as a newborn swaddled in a blanket. He had no past and he was free from the whys and why-nots. For a while he stayed like this until the crack of sunlight on his face threatened to become too warm. A sympathetic breeze blew slowly in from the window and tickled his face, cooling him. Cooler and cooler still, the flow didn’t  slow. Then at once it was cold, the air felt wet and frozen and his eyes shot open.

His bedroom was wrong. The ceiling seemed too high, the walls too far away. His body felt heavy; just laying there was taxing. When he tried to lift his arms they felt bloodless and when he tried to turn over a force-unseen held him down. The beating of his heart quickened as he struggled and wondered just what the hell was going on, but then he saw her. So black was the shadow that he hadn’t noticed until now but he was certain it had been there the entire time.

She was straddling him, this faceless woman’s shape, black as if painted in lightless oil. Now he could see glittering refractions begin to play on her outline.  Little cracks of light danced down the surface of its chest like falling stars across the night sky. Jack could understand the silhouette of breasts and muscles and a woman’s face with long hair that flowed off her like heavy smoke. She was a shadow. The shadow bared black teeth and Jack could not tell if her grin was happy or wicked, but the features he could understand were sharp and thin, her gaze piercing and lethal, and her beauty all-consuming. Slowly, her hand twitched closer. Her movement was mechanical like a twisted crippled dancer. Long spidery fingers wrapped around his throat and squeezed.

He saw her lips widen and her small tongue dancing between her lips and he hoped she would just squeeze forever as long as it meant he could feel her fingers on his skin. Then she dragged the sharp fingers of her other hand down his face and over his chest and he could tell she could rip into him like the soft flesh of a peach. She laughed silently and her breath was like the cool evening air on his skin. Goosebumps formed all over his body as he felt swelling below. He wanted her and needed her. His heart thumped so hard he could hear it in his skull like a drum. His blood ran through his veins faster than it ever had and as it flowed so did his strength return. Before he realized what he was doing his fingers found her slender neck and wrapped around it. It was so small, so delicate, and yet so strong he doubted he could hurt her if he tried. And he did want to try. All at once he wasn’t in control anymore, and maybe he never was. He was so hard it hurt. He tore the woman off him and spun, putting her in her place so that he was on top now in between her long legs. She let him pin her down.He really saw the world as it was now. There were no bees and no birds to make daylight music. Only a deafening low hum that vibrated through all matter and overtook all distraction. There was no aroma of honey or flowers, only pale quiet air and the sweet scent of sweat. No trees, no ground even. The room had no door. Everything was dimly visible yet lit by no candle or torch. Out the window were only the silent colors of night and dim stars that he didn’t think were familiar. He didn’t care about any of that now. His eyes slowly fell back down to her, his sweet shadow.

It took no force to slide in; she was ready for him, all the way in. She cried out a colorless scream. Her breasts were soft and wet. He reached out with his left hand and grabbed hold of one tight and the other hand he held her neck for leverage as he thrust himself inside over and over. She squealed and moaned and writhed. The silent noises were pain or pleasure, Jack didn't care, he had forgotten the difference. There was nothing else. There was only right now. This was how the beasts saw things, he thought. Nature in its simplest form. Stimulation and response. He took her, she screamed. He took her harder. Harder and faster. He put his arms around her legs and planted them in the bed just under her arms, lifting her up and angling himself deeper. Faster and faster and harder and deeper until sharply they rose to the peak of experience. As they finished, he was inside as deep as she could have him, and he froze there for a long time as he lost himself in the throbbing pulses of lovely agony. He pushed in just a little deeper for that final moment. Her legs squeezed him so tightly it hurt. Her chest bounced as she gasped then cried out. Black droplets of sweat bounced off her breasts. He couldn’t hear anything anymore, and then his mind went blank and it was like dying all over again. He fell onto her. He loved her. This was the only thing he ever needed. He wanted to live in her chest. He wanted to die. And he sunk into her, the woman-shaped space. She was an endless black ocean and he was happy to drown in her. He sunk in and she enveloped him. She was all around him now.