I am F/49 and husband is M/66. First post/long post warning: we have been together for almost two years and newly married. Spouse has ED and is currently being treated with tadalafil, PT 141, and uses cock ring. We are extremely sexually active, 5-6 nights a week minimum. Husband is an extremely generous, skilled and voracious lover, and I personally could not be more pleased and satisfied. We practice all of the five love language techniques regularly, as we both are motivated by all of them, and he is told regularly how great he makes me feel and what a happy and satisfied wife I am.

Our issue is getting him to reach orgasm. He does such awesome, wonderful things to me, and I want to make sure he gets off as well. He very much enjoys our intercourse, but can't quite reach orgasm (he says he gets right to the edge, but can't quite get "to the peak"). He says he is still satisfied sexually, and does reach orgasm occasionally. He says that making me orgasm satisfies him as well, and I have no doubt it does, but it's not the same as having your own big o.

He says that his penis has lost sensitivity over the years, and that it takes more friction and pressure to get him off. I have practiced kegels for years, and we also engage in anal sex, so I am not sure there is anything more I can do on my end to improve that part.

I feel that psychological issues are at play here as well; for example, although he is much more sexually experienced than me, he was told by some lovers at an early age not to cum in a woman's mouth during bjs because it is gross and nasty, so he trained himself not to do it. I happen to love the act, and it took quite a bit of convincing him of that before I could make him orgasm orally. However, even with oral I can only make him orgasm about 50% of the time, and I think it is because he gets it in his head that he can't cum. Also despite my giving it my all, he needs more pressure than what my mouth and hands can sometimes provide. I turn on porn for him when I give him oral to give him visual stimulation and to get him out of his head, and it helps but still not 100% of the time.

I am careful to bring up concerns only when necessary, as I don't want him to think I am preoccupied with it, and make the issue worse. Again, I am a happy camper sexually, but I want my lover to be happy and fulfilled.

So my questions are these: are there any specialists, apps or therapeutic methods that may help in getting him out of his head, to relax, and achieve orgasm? The second question is has anyone learned any methods that I can employ or toys that we can use as a couple to give him more pressure and friction so he can orgasm? I thought about a fleshlight-type device, but ideally it would be something we can use during intercourse.

Any suggestions are welcome. Thanks in advance.