I don’t know if this is the correct place to post this, but I don’t know what other sub I should ask. If there’s a better place please tell me, but I bet you’ve never heard this before

It all started with this one random YouTube video that gave me the mini epiphany, where it clicked: I can decide to feel however I want to feel, regardless of my environment or circumstances.

So later on at work there was a lull and I was just sitting there thinking about how I wanted to feel. And I’m a pretty lonely guy, so I decided I wanted to feel like I was in love. Now somehow during this time, everything I’m about to say just made sense, like it was second nature and I just knew how to do it somehow, it was clear to me I don’t know. You know how when you suddenly get a loving text from your favorite sweetheart, and when you look open the text and read it you get this deep booming warmth from your chest that radiates out? Well I wanted that and somehow I knew how to get it.

I’ll try to explain it best I can. I focused on the area around my heart, or just the center of my chest area, like there was a ball of energy sitting there. And I grabbed that ball and pulled. Not with my hand, but like mentally pulled on the area. And kinda massaged or kneaded it, and imagined a ball of energy there just swirling and churning. The more I did this the stronger it got until it felt like I was marinating in love. I got way more than what I was trying for. It was cascading through me. I felt like I was love itself. It had me swaying back in forth in my chair with my eyes closed, just soaking it up. Like my very sole mate herself came down from heaven and embraced me. I hope no one saw me at this point. And to me this was a life changing breakthrough. I made sure to do this constantly. All day every day I had a hold on my heart center and made sure to manipulate it into squeezing out all that love juice into my veins 24/7 (again, just trying to explain this best I can...)

But it didn’t just feel good, it changed me as a person. I felt like a much better version of myself when I had this love enveloping me. Normally I’m very socially awkward and anxious and have a pretty quiet and reserved voice when I speak. But when I was love at my center I had a very easy and effortless confidence. I could talk to anyone I want about anything. I was energetic and open and full of life. I was always in a good mood and up for anything, this was completely an overnight change and overnight my small quiet voice was now full and resonant and effortless. I had no anxieties anymore, I felt so solid yet still open to all and embracing and caring. I was a brand new person who could now do anything, and actually look any person in the eyes and talk about anything for any length of time, which was completely new to me. I was excited for life and could not wait to face the world.

But unfortunately, after several days of this, I started to notice a decline in the effects. Now whenever I tried to tap into my heart center, it was still quite powerful, but nothing that made my eyes shut and swoon in my seat. Not that I was complaining, I still felt great, could chat up anybody, and was generally very upbeat and excited to experience other people and the world. Actually at this point I was starting to get a little nervous that because I was feeling so good for no reason, I could live alone in a garage forever and not even mind. Would that be ok as long as I was happy? I didn’t know. I didn’t worry too much tho, I definitely still had faith I would make something of myself eventually, hopefully now it would just be much easier, maybe even fun.

But then another few days go by, and I feel like there’s very little left in my chest to pull at. Like whatever reservoir that had been trapped in my chest was now running dry. But still feelin pretty ok and comfortable around people. I didn’t initiate with people but was still ready to chat and hold a comfortable conversation, and was still much more animated around my friends and family.

Now fast forward up to today half a week later, and I feel pretty much how I did before I ever discovered this, maybe just slightly above where I was back then. And if I try very hard and focus on pulling my heart energy ball thing that I can now barely find, I can maybe feel a little giddy and in a better mood for maybe a minute. I can’t keep it running constant like I could before, and however long I do keep it going the effects are pretty minimal. It’s like it never even happened. And on top of that I feel much more susceptible to becoming totally drained of energy and feel very inhibited.

So I’m asking if there’s anybody at all here who could at least explain to me what happened and what that was, or maybe even tell me how to get it back, I would be extremely grateful! Thank you 🙏