I know I want/need a lap at this point in my journey. I’m saving the PTO and figured out my finances. But I’m (a) terrified of picking the wrong surgeon, (b) terrified of it not helping or ending up with new pain and (c) having so much emotional pain/grief over this right now that I’m paralyzed and not moving forwards.

I had one consult with my GYN of several years who talked to me about endo on my first visit and has been the one doctor in my life who totally gets it and is frank about it. He talks about the stuff on this sub and I trust him with a lot of stuff. That said, I don’t think he’s the right surgeon for me (said he does believe excision is better but for stuff that he thinks is too delicate he uses ablation). Also he said he “tries to take a lot out to get at the roots and not miss anything” - which kinda freaked me out in terms of chunks of me being ‘carved out’.

I know I need to do consults with other surgeons, I’m just paralyzed by fear and grief. Please encourage me (gently) to continue this process and jfc please explain why I’m having such intense emotions that feel like grief. (I think part of it is I’m mid/late 30s and I don’t have kids - I don’t know if I want them - I never have - but the idea of my fertility declining rn and the endo stuff making me face it head on is definitely part of it - but I don’t think it’s all of it)