(Sorry for the aimless rant, its 2:11 am and i am in my bed crying, I just need to get all this off my chest)

I am a computer science major, sophmore year. I came into this semester knowing it be rough, but not like this.

My csc 245 teacher is a bad and cruel teacher. I tried, constantly to keep up, and even now, even if I aced the final, I will fail. 245 is needed to get into the csc major.

I do not know what to do or say. I do not know if I can look my parents and girlfriend in the eyes. I tried, I tried really hard. I have autism and I know they wont hate me, but I do not know if I can stomach this. I gave this semester my all, I pushed myself constantly, always on the back foot. Stressed 24/7, and yet, I have basicly failed. My best was not enough.

I never give up, and refuse to give in, but I am conflicted, cause right now, I can not recover this.

I wanna give up so badly, i wanna give up, but I also do not want to. I want to do better, and prove to the world I am more than some worthless autistic kid. But my confidence from last semester has been smashed to bits in front of me. I feel so weak right now. I am trying my best to gather enough will to push ahead and finish all my classes to the best of my ability, but 245...

It is almost crippling how hard it hurts that I failed such a fundemental class in a field of study I am going into. I love csc 210, like hardcore love it! Im so conflicted right now...

I do not know what to do or feel right now.

I want to say fuck it all, and give up, but a part of me is forcing me not too, but I do not know if I am mentally able to pull myself together...