Hii everyone, I really need to vent so heeeeeere we go. I have a not-so-great relationship with my mom. In general, she's a nice person and a good person, but she is extremely overbearing and dismissive. As a child and teen, I was never allowed to express "negative" emotions like stress, anger or frustration. According to her, it would ruin her day because she would feel my emotions in the air. I was allowed to be sad though.

Another example is I lost a precious item once (I was 10 y/o I think). I told her, crying, that I couldn't find it anywhere. She got really mad at me and sent me to my room to look for the item. Because of her anger I started hyperventilating and choking on my tears. While crying I searched through all the cupboards etc. She yelled at me to "stop fucking crying, don't be so hysterical, just find the item". I believe I had my first panic attack that day. Years later we found the item (I won't say where bc it's specific and I don't want anyone I know reading this). It was in a spot that my dad had searched at the time, but he didn't find it then. This was almost 10 years later and it made me cry. My heart broke for 10y/o me and I was so frustrated towards my parents. I kind of ignored them until my mom asked: are you seriously still mad about this? And she just kind of laughed it off with a quick apology.

The worst example is that I had an undiagnosed mental health issue as a child (I'm being successfully treated now). I used to come to my parents crying and panicking a lot because of this. The first time it happened she literally told me "you're way too young to have these problems, you should be a kid and be happy. If you struggle so much now, how will you ever make it in the real world?" This absolutely shattered me. She told me again like 10 years later. Last year I confronted her about it and she reacted shocked and apologised, saying she never intended for her words to hurt that much and that she really trusts that I have a bright future and thats she's proud of me etc.. It was a good conversation and we both cried a lot. However, I just can't let go of the past because it stings so badly still.

A last example is that every time I was super interested in something or enthusiastic, she would often put me down. She used to say I was "obsessing" over it and that it's not normal to have a big interest in things. Once, when I was 13 or something I was really excited about something and she asked me if I was on drugs because I was acting so weird. To be clear: I had never done something like that before and was definitely not doing it at 13.

My mother has had mental health issues as well and I can see where all this came from, but I don't think I can really forgive her. Also when commenting please remember that there were also many times when my mom was sweet and supportive, these are just some of the (many) bad examples. However, that doesn't undo the damage and the pain I struggle with every day.