I’m tired of being emotionally neglected. I’m sick and tired of it and I think this is what is behind my being burnt out so easily. I have developed anxious attachment and avoidant attachment as well , and as things intensify for me during university I just find myself burning out very very quickly because at the same time I’m neglecting myself and over extending myself in everything to help and reach other people (as many of us who are anxiously attached tend to do). Maybe I do this to subconsciously search for someone to love me and treat me well and give me attention and affection. I don’t know. But I do know that I am very very hurt and I am tired of this. I am sitting in bed right now very tired and I came back from university and I try to tell my mom about my day and no one cares about me. No one actually loves me. Growing up I’ve had this feeling deep inside me that no one loves me and I always said to my mom from when I was 8 years old that you love my brother more than me. And she would say , i love all my kids , I just love you all differently , I can’t love you the same.

I am tired. Growing up I was emotionally neglected , enmeshed with my mom , my individuation was heavily suppressed and the list goes on. I am exiting out of that thank god (and yes I feel behind in life because of these set backs that I am exiting out of now). I truly believe that the résonne I developed a porn and masturbation addiction for so long was to numb the pain of emotional neglect and abuse that I went through growing up. I realize that when I am around people and have what I deceive myself into believing is an engaging meaningful encounter where the other person cares for me, when really I’m just in limerence , I don’t engage in my addictive behaviours and can be somewhat normal ?

I’m a 22 years old young man and it sucks to say that I am so hurt emotionally that I have no connection with anyone who cares about me. My mother hurt me growing up and my father abandoned me at 9 and when I reached out to him at 18 years old , he disowned me. I recently saw him back in August but couldn’t say anything to him and just watched him. He didn’t recognize me but I recognized him.

My home life with my mom and brother was just chaotic so now it’s at a relatively peaceful period but to have this relative peacefulness, I don’t talk to anyone and virtually I’m isolated from the others. Whenever my mother does talk to me it’s to order me around like I’m a maid or something. When I try to tell her about my life as I just want someone to talk to sometimes , she does not care about my life. It just all sounds like I am talking to myself and it hurts. When I would talk about her neglecting me and emotionally abusing me (and physically too) these all causes fights as she has BPD and a very strong victim mentality mindset and many narcissistic characteristics.

I feel like there’s nobody to even talk to in my life. And I just want to cry. I just want someone to take care of me and to love me. I’m tired of people not loving me. With my “friendships “ it just becomes me being everyone’s doormat. I do this and that for them and get nothing. Some people never reply or just use me out of convenience.

Just recently my so called friend of 2 years from university starts saying that this guy who she has known for 4 months is much more to her than just a friend , here’s the kicker , I’m the one who knew this girl for 2 years been with her through good and many bad times even helped this vagabond friend who she met off the streets to find a place to stay while he was studying here and somehow he gets a higher rank than I do when I’ve known her longer ? Helped her more ? Been with her through her problems ? WHAT? Do people not care about me ?

I’ve experienced this a lot. Just recently a friend I’ve had for 5 years ghosts me out of the blue, as her other friends puts it, she’s bored of me , she’s not messing with me anymore.

Am I just disposable to these people ?

I know this other guy who I try to be present for him for his problems , but when I just text him he doesn’t even open the message and it’s almost 2 months but I see him in person and it’s supposed to be my friend I’m sad take care of me.

How does no one care about me ?

I’m truly tired. Please someone help me get out of this mess and this cycle please

Thank you so much in advance