I mean to my family it's like I don't exist. Yesterday I just sat at my desk in my room and cried while I talked to myself. A few of my uncles are real assholes and I really don't like talking to them. I thought about how my family expects me to reach out to them but doesn't seem to give two shits about me. I went a few years without talking to my Uncle Danny. He reminds me of why I don't really like talking to him. I feel like shit after I've talked to him. Most of them only reach out to me on my birthday or holidays. For some of you that may be more contact than you get from some of your family. I don't know it just feels like I am bothering them when I reach out most times. It feels like everyone is "busy." Yet the family text line is them being goofy and fooling around or sharing what they ate. I feel like they're aware of the animosity I feel. They're aware of how sometimes I feel neglected by them. It feels like most of the time my family doesn't care. When I try to join in on the "fun" all of a sudden I'm the asshole who crashed the party. They wondered why I never wanted to engage with them at family gatherings. Now we're on opposite sides of the States. I'm in California and most of them are in NY. I wish things were different but I don't know what to do. Some people seem to really love their family and ask why I don't spend more time with mine. Well it's because my family is kind of shit and that's about it.