Most of my life i was neglected by parents(who happens to be both doctors with no work-life balance). My mother didnt bother spending any time with me nor taking interest in my life.My whole childhood has been around sitting in home watching youtube with nothing else to do,no going out,no gatherings,no family time no nothing. I’ve never been taught the untold social rules nor any social skills to help me make any friends at school,all i got was bullying at home ,neglect ,punishments for not reaching standards they set out for me. I made no friends at school ,was stuttering out of anxiety and could barely speak some words out. I couldnt even understand well known idioms and phrases let alone words since ive been so deprived of human to human interactions. At such a young age i would daydream as how it would be like to have friends or let alone some caring family members who take any kind of intrest in my life whatsoever. I felt as if my personality hobbies and interests didnt matter since no time my mother took interest in anything i was doing or watching.No interest whatsoever.The only time she would look after what i was doing is to stalk me to see if im doing or watching something wrong. One time i learned some cool tricks from a tv program and was so excited to show everyone ,that i kept a box full of material i needed for my tricks,to see my mom looking at me with an emotionless look on her face while telling me to throw that “useless” stuff away which i did later that week after feeling bad for a while.

I would feel the physical pain of being alone in my room for so long,that i would find anything to numb that “pain”. My only friend then was p0rn,i would rot in my room all day long with my door closed for hours or even days(on weekends) doing nothing but binge on youtube and watching hell lotta p0rn.I felt so bad at the time but it was like being trapped with nothing else to do,i didnt know there should be family time/seeing friends/going to the club,didnt know any of that existed.

Here i am at 21 with little social skills not even enough to make me any friend at such age,im venting out of loneliness guilt and anger.I feel so socially awkward outside with no natural social skills to handle and maintain conversations .Im still the little old me,deprived of human interactions,wanting to have friends, addicted to p0rn .i wish i could change any of that,i feel so powerless.